Month: May 2016

A client recently asked me this question. She has been doing The Work on her husband, who had an affair. She wrote, “If you understand someone’s motivation for doing something and feel compassion for them, how do you then disagree with them? For example, I may reach the point where I really understand my husband having an affair (and I have reached that point before), but then how do I say, ‘I don’t want to be with you,’ if I really understand his motivation. Doesn’t understanding him mean the same as forgiving? And if I forgive, then I will want to be with him.”

Question 4 of The Work of Byron Katie, “Who would you be without that thought?,” Is just a small step of inquiry. It’s a simple question, but people sometimes make it difficult.

When I’m not paying attention, I pick up a rose and get hurt by the thorns. But I avoid the thorns when I’m awake.

Self-compassion comes from seeing a bigger perspective. I can’t have self-compassion when my thinking is small. If I’m attached to getting what I want, my mind is riveted to one small outcome. And if I don’t get it, I’m upset. How do I react? I attack anyone and anything that is getting in the way. Including myself. Self-compassion is not possible when I’m attacking myself. So how do you find self-compassion when you’re in the middle of self-attack?

The more I do The Work, the more I realize that The Work is everywhere. It’s just not called The Work. It’s called intelligence. It’s called discrimination. It’s called wisdom. Here’s how this scientist did inquiry.

If you wait long enough, any storm will pass. But can you be happy when it’s raining? That’s the real question.

Today I’m introducing two new programs for doing The Work. The first is a three-week online course in The Work. I call it “The Work 101.” The second is an ongoing program for doing The Work with a partner every day, or every week. Let’s look at these two programs in more detail.

It’s natural to want to do The Work on yourself. Who doesn’t have thoughts like, “I want to be big and strong.” Or the spiritual version of this thought, “I want to be enlightened.” And its natural counterpart, “I’m not good enough.” And aren’t they stressful? Why not question those stressful thoughts using The Work of Byron Katie? But if you’re familiar with The Work, you’re probably also familiar with Byron Katie’s suggestion to do The Work on other people, especially if you’re new to The Work.

…she discovered a deeper, underlying belief, “It’s not okay for my relationship to not be so great.” This thought was holding so much energy for her. Because of this thought, she was trying so hard to fix the relationship. Including trying to use The Work to fix it.