Do you ever feel stressed but find that you are only blaming yourself, not a “neighbor,” in your situation? How can you write a Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet (JYNW) in situations like these?
These are challenging situations for being able to use the Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet.
Situations where it seems that there is no one outside of yourself to blame. Or situations where your stress is so general that it’s hard to pinpoint the blame on anyone or anything. In situations like these, it seems that it’s not possible to use the Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet.
So what do you do?
They figure that it just won’t work in these kind of tough situations. They opt for questioning one-liners (random stressful thoughts) instead. This is always a good option, but you often run into two problems:
Let’s look at each of these.
These are statements like, “No one likes me,” or “I wish I had more money,” or “I’m stressed about applying for this job.” Sure you can turn them around to “People do like me,” or “I wish I had less money,” or “I’m not stressed about applying for this job.”
But these are often too big of a leap for the mind to take. The examples are hard to find because the statements are so general. And this can lead to a feeling that The Work doesn’t work, especially if you’re inexperienced doing The Work.
These are statements like, “There’s something wrong with me,” or “I’m a failure,” or “My life sucks.” These could be turned around to “There is nothing wrong with me,” or “I’m not a failure,” or “My life doesn’t suck.” With experience in The Work you may find good examples.
But it’s not always easy to turn these around in a way that is satisfying because it’s hard to get any distance on yourself.
When you write a Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet (as opposed to self-judgments), you get to bounce your frustration off of someone else. Often, this is what started the self-attack anyway. When you identify who or what put you into this position of a victim, the thoughts you write are often laser sharp.
And this sharpness of observation can illuminate a path of very clear direction for you when you turn the thoughts around. Where there was no hope, a side exit often unexpectedly appears.
What is needed is a systematic way to search for the missing point of blame. Who is making me a victim here? What specifically is wrong with the universe that has got me feeling stressed?
If you can identify who is bothering you, then it’s easy to write a Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet and enjoy the richness of the turnarounds that your worksheet may yield.
This e-book, Finding the Door to Inquiry: How to Discover a Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet in Any Situation, describes eleven main approaches that I use every day with my clients and with myself to find that missing point of blame.
Many people feel that they are only blaming themselves, and therefore can’t write a Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet. But surprisingly, when they look, they are usually blaming themselves only secondarily. Here are some of the ways I support my clients everyday to find what started the internal war for them.
Theoretical information is difficult to digest. That’s why this book is filled with lots of examples of how to go from feeling stressed to finding a clear angle for your next Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet.
When you write a Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet, you may be limiting your definition of “neighbors” to the people around you. Learn how to find the “neighbors” that your mind is already judging, which are not the typical people that you think of when writing a Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet.
That which seems to be impenetrable can sometimes open easily when the right question is asked. This book is basically a list of questions you can ask yourself to find out who you are actually blaming.
Stressful emotions are the starting point for any Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet. Learn how an emotion itself can even be the focus of a worksheet.
Have you ever tried to write a Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet when you were simply depressed? It’s easy to blame yourself. But who else are you blaming? Learn how to find those hidden players so you can question your thoughts about them too.
There may be times when writing a JYNW does not actually work for you. It’s valuable to know when not to push it, and what to do when that happens.
What ever happened to simply picking up a Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet and writing about a situation where someone upset you?
Nothing has happened to this at all. It’s still my favorite way to write a worksheet.
This book is for special situations where it’s not so easy to find someone to blame. Most of the time you’ll still be writing worksheets as usual, pointing the blame at the obvious person in front of you.
When you get the premium version of this book below, you’ll also get the following bonus material.
Audiobook recording of the book This two-hour recording, in m4b format, allows you to listen to the book anywhere you go. And it remembers your place when you stop. I suggest listening to the audio several times to easily become familiar with the material.
What format is the book?
The book comes in PDF format.
What format is the audiobook?
The audiobook comes in m4b format, which remembers your place when you stop listening.
Can I read it on my Kindle or other readers?
The written book comes in PDF format, which can be read in Kindle or iBook (iPad) readers.
How many pages is the book?
It has 86 pages.
Is it available on Amazon or Apple?
No, the book is available exclusively on my website.
Is this an introductory book on The Work of Byron Katie?
No, please read Byron Katie’s book, Loving What Is, before getting this book. I assume you are already familiar with The Work, the four questions, the turnarounds, and the Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet. If you are not familiar with the basics, reading Loving What Is will get you up to speed.
If you read the book and decide that it wasn’t helpful for you, just let me know. I will be happy to refund your money. So go ahead and try it out, you’ve got nothing to lose in exploring some practical ways to find the door to inquiry.
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This website represents Todd Smith’s personal understanding of The Work of Byron Katie. You may also want to visit the official website of The Work at thework.com.
