It’s Natural To Want To Do The Work On Yourself
Who doesn’t have thoughts like, “I want to be big and strong.” Or the spiritual version of this thought, “I want to be enlightened.” And its natural counterpart, “I’m not good enough.”
And aren’t they stressful? Why not question those stressful thoughts using The Work of Byron Katie?
But if you’re familiar with The Work, you’re probably also familiar with Byron Katie’s suggestion to do The Work on other people, especially if you’re new to The Work.
Did You Turn That Suggestion Into A Rule For Yourself?
Here’s how the mind can take it, “Never do The Work on yourself!” Ha! I have one thing to say to that: is that true?
Some of my best work has been on “I-statements.” In fact, the work I did with Byron Katie on YouTube was from a worksheet I wrote on myself, “I’m not living up to my full potential.” That piece work changed my life.
So notice if you’re starting to get rigid about The Work. Are you making rules about what you can’t work on? Or how you must fill in a Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet? There are no rules in The Work. Just as there are no rules in research of any kind. You are free to explore.
So Why Does Byron Katie Suggest Working On Others?
There are several reasons.
First, working on others is a powerful way of seeing myself. When I look in a mirror, I can see myself better than when I just feel my face. And when I look at myself by studying the ways I judge others, I can often see things about myself that I would never see otherwise.
Second, working on myself often has big stakes involved. I want to fix myself. I want to change myself. And that motive puts huge pressure on myself to “break through.” Pressure is not a conducive frame of mind for unbiased research.
Third, I’m sometimes very attached to the way I see myself, even if it’s painful. So I may block myself from seeing the truth in my turnarounds because of this attachment. For example, “I’m not good enough” can be difficult to genuinely turn around.
Fourth, if you’re new to The Work, you may not have experienced the true spirit of The Work yet, which is a spirit of self-responsibility. If you are not familiar with this, you may end up tricking yourself into using The Work to get yourself out of responsibility. For example, “I need to take out the trash, is it true? No, the turnaround is truer, ‘I don’t need to take out the trash.'” Off the hook! This is not the spirit of The Work. With experience, you can hold both sides and find peace even while taking responsibility.
Fifth, judging myself can be a way for the ego to avoid owning what it doesn’t want to see: that it is judging people. Just admitting that I judge others is a huge step towards freedom. Whereas, focusing solely on judging myself is a great way to stay in denial.
Finally, judging myself is often a secondary response. “How do I react when I am judging others? I think I’m bad.” Almost always, something outside of me started the war inside of me. If I go to what started the war, and work on my judgments on that, the self-judgments tend to dry up on their own.
But Should You Shy Away From Judging Yourself Completely?
In my opinion, no.
I trust my mind to tell me exactly what is bothering it. And while most of the time I question my stressful thoughts about others, sometimes also I question thoughts about myself. I love giving myself permission to explore in all directions. Anything other than 360 degrees does not feel like freedom to me.
Two of my favorite ways of finding “I-statements” to work stream-of-consciousness writing of my stressful thoughts, and writing down my motives in any situation. Both give me great stuff to question. And both can also lead to Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheets. But whether I end up working on myself, or on others, I trust that my mind is presenting the perfect thing for me to work.
If you’re very new to The Work, working with a facilitator can help you hold the spirit of The Work when working any concept, especially self-judgments.
Have a great weekend,
Todd
“I strongly suggest that if you are new to inquiry, you not write about yourself at first. If you start by judging yourself, your answers come with a motive and with solutions that haven’t worked. Judging someone else, then inquiring and turning it around, is the direct path to understanding. You can judge yourself later, when you have been doing inquiry long enough to trust the power of truth.” Byron Katie, Loving What Is
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