Line 4 of the JYNW Asks a Powerful Question
Line 4 of the Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet asks, “In order for you to be happy in this situation, what do you need them to think, say, feel, or do?”
There are two ways to answer this.
Here’s One Way
You can go back to the situation that you’re writing about and get deeply in touch with the emotion you were feeling. Then ask yourself, “What do I need?”
The emotion will show you. This is a place where you get to observe the more vulnerable side of yourself in this stressful situation. Listen to that needy part of you. And write down what you find.
Line 4 identifies your vulnerabilities in the situation. And it allows these primal needs to come to the surface so they can be questioned.
Here’s Another Way to Answer Line 4
The method above focuses on the stressful emotion. The second way, takes a slightly different angle to identify hidden needs in the situation.
Ask yourself, “What can they do to make it right?” Now that the deed is done, what could they do to genuinely make you happy?
They may never actually do this, but imagining an ideal version of what they would do, can help you identify what you think you need.
What could they do to make the whole thing a non-issue for you? In your fantasy world, what could they do to make you feel genuinely happy? If you answer these questions, you will have some great needs to question.
I Encourage You to Consider Both Ways Each Time
I often start with the first method, by getting in touch with my stressful emotions and asking myself, “What do I need?” This feels like listening to myself with an open mind.
And then I usually move over to the second method by asking myself, “What could they do to make it right? What could they do to make me really happy?”
For me, these two methods often uncover different stressful thoughts. That’s why I use both methods when I fill in Line 4 of a worksheet.
Have a great weekend,
Todd
“Write down your thoughts without trying to censor them. Sit with your pen and paper and just wait. The words will come. The story will come.” Byron Katie, Loving What Is
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