I Think It’s A Lack of Trust
Nature grows things effortlessly.
But I engage in all kinds of efforts. I don’t trust nature to deliver. I want it faster, further, sooner. And I end up pushing myself here and there to get things done. And that’s how I lose my balance.
I sometimes wonder if I’m successful because of my efforts or in spite of my efforts! And when, I think, “I want more balance in my life,” do I choose it?
Not always.
Let me Identify Some of the Thoughts that Stop me from Being Balanced
Some general thoughts that keep me pushing when I want to slow down are:
1. I need more money (survival).
2. I need to keep up (competition and comparison).
3. I need to save face (reputation) – slowing down means I’m a wimp.
4. I want to keep distracted (pretending).
5. I need to be someone better than I am (dissatisfaction).
6. If I stop now, I’ll never start again (all or nothing).
7. I don’t want to limit my options (indecision).
And when I look at it, it seems that it all comes down to my thinking. I imagine I’m in this difficult game, and that I have to work hard to survive.
But is it true? Am I really in a difficult game at all? Is it the game that is difficult, or has my thinking rigidly locked me into constraints that make it hard?
Let’s Get Practical
The beliefs I listed above are general. And general beliefs are hard to hold. They get so abstract that I’m not even quite sure I know what I mean by them.
But things change if I take a specific situation. For example, right now. I’ve got 90 minutes left in my day. And I’ve got two newsletters to finish (90 min), a phone call to make (15 min), and I need to spend time moderating the Inquiry Circle forum (45 min).
That means, if I do everything, I will be one hour late finishing work. That feels like stress.
So What Stops me from Staying Balanced?
The thoughts that come are:
I don’t want to let them down.
I don’t want them to be disappointed in me.
And this applies to each task: the newsletter, the phone call, and the Inquiry Circle. Each one could be a different Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet.
First JYNW, Line 1: I’m worried of disappointing my newsletter readers because they expect me to be consistent.
Second JYNW, Line 1: I’m stressed about the person I need to call because she expects me to keep my commitment.
Third JYNW, Line 1: I am anxious about the Inquiry Circle participants because they expect me to read what they wrote.
Now my work is cut out for me. I have the beginnings of three meaningful worksheets that get right to the core of why I don’t choose balance in this situation. Basically, I believe others are expecting things. And I don’t want to disappoint them. No pressure!!
I really look forward to working these worksheets.
I invite you this week to find a specific situation where you resist choosing balance, and see if you can identify what’s stopping you. Write down the thoughts and question them.
Have a great weekend,
Todd
“So my wife has an expectation or wish about what she should get from me, and she expresses that, and I want her to love and appreciate me, so I fulfill her expectation.” Excerpt From: Byron Katie & Michael Katz. I Need Your Love – Is That True?
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