It All Depends on How You See It
Anything can be a source of suffering. It just depends on what the mind does with it.
One reader noticed something very interesting. She writes, “I was just driving back from dropping my daughter off at school this morning and I noticed a few superfit people jogging on the road with all the right gear looking tip top while I felt bedraggled, tired and slumped in my car.”
Here’s something positive (people in doing a healthy workout), and yet it was depressing.
Let’s Look at a Few Other Examples
For example, in the photo of the apricots and peaches above, there’s nothing negative at first glance. But negativity depends on perspective. If you’re diabetic and can’t have fruit, this picture might make you sad.
Here’s another example. You see a beautiful life insurance commercial on TV, or watch a beautiful romance film. These are both positives. But they can be depressing when you compare them to a lack of happiness or romance in your life.
You could even look at a bird and get depressed because you can’t fly.
There’s Got to Be a Way to Question These Stressful Thoughts
At first you might think, “I can’t do The Work on this,” because it’s really a positive situation. But when you look at it closely, it’s not a positive situation. Not for you anyway.
And that’s all that matters when doing your work. If you have a stress reaction, you’ve just found a situation you can work.
So How Do You Do That?
Let’s go back to the joggers on the road. How would you write a Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet on this situation?
One way to do it is to write the worksheet on the joggers themselves. To make it easier, pick one. The one that was the worst offender. Maybe the one with the best stride, or the best clothes.
And simply start filling in the worksheet. “I am saddened by him because he is in better shape than me. I want him to stop showing off. He should wear more modest clothes. I need him to be non-threatening to me. He is a show-off, more disciplined than me, super-fit. I don’t ever want to be outdone by him again.”
Or You Could Ask, “Where Am I a Victim Here?”
Maybe you want to do more exercise, but you can’t. You’ve got too many other responsibilities. You’re a victim of your responsibilities. So write a worksheet on someone who is expecting you to put another task above jogging.
For example, “I am angry with my husband because he expects me to bring in half the money. I want him to see that this is killing me. He should consider that he makes more money per hour than I do. I need him to give me permission to go jogging three times a week. He is selfish, unfair, demanding. I don’t ever want to be trapped my husband’s desire for money again.”
There Are Probably Many Worksheets Sitting in this One Situation
In my book, Finding the Door to Inquiry, there’s an exercise where you take one situation and write eleven different Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheets on it from different angles.
This simple situation with the joggers could be a great candidate for that exercise.
Have a great week,
Todd
“It turns out, though, that this apparently positive belief is just as painful as an apparently negative belief. And that the turnaround, in its apparently negative form, is a statement of great relief and freedom.” — Byron Katie, Loving What Is.
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