My Meditation Teacher Had Some Wise Thoughts on This Point
My meditation teacher, Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, once said, “But one thing which you have to be very cautious about is that you don’t think evil of anyone, don’t speak ill of anyone. Otherwise speaking ill and thinking ill of someone, dwelling on the weaknesses of someone, all their bad qualities come to your heart; [this way] you get your heart and mind spoiled.”
I love the wisdom of this. And I understand the principle very well. In fact, I have always aspired to live this way.
But the problem is that I can’t always do it.
And That’s Where The Work Has Helped Me
My first attempt at living this ideal was to literally not speak anything negative. I kept a sweet exterior, and was nice to everyone. But could not relax because there was a part of me inside that really did think ill of others.
I didn’t want that part to get the upper hand. I had to maintain effort to subvert it. In fact, I didn’t want to admit that that part of me was there at all. This approach didn’t work for me. It just led to denial for me.
But when I discovered The Work of Byron Katie, I found a way to truly live my meditation teacher’s ideal of not speaking ill of others.
And Funnily Enough It Started With Permission to Speak Ill of Others
What I love about The Work is that it is all about starting where you are. If I’m angry or judgmental, then that’s where I start, by writing a Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet on the person I’m judging. I allow myself full permission to speak ill of others on paper.
That’s the difference. I’m not spreading rumors here. I’m just getting honest with myself. I’m coming out of denial about my negative thoughts. So I write them down.
I can’t stop the negative thoughts from coming. They just come. But I can write them down, and then once they are down on paper I can question them.
When I Question My “Ill” Thoughts, They Often Stop Gripping Me
When I question my thought, “He is so materialistic,” for example, I experience directly how painful it is to think this thought, and how much more open I feel without it. And I discover that the turnaround, “I am materialistic,” is just as true. Aren’t we all?! And I open to the idea that “He is not materialistic” too. And I find examples of how true it is in this case.
This gives me perspective.
Then the idea, “He is materialistic,” just can’t grip me so tightly. It becomes more of an observation, not a condemning judgment.
Then there’s not even a thought to speak ill of him, or even to think ill of him. The whole thing has dissolved and holds no grip on me whatsoever.
Now I Can Honestly Speak No Ill of Him and Be Genuine About It
No denial there at all.
And I find myself looking forward to the next time I do fall into thinking ill of others. Because it will be another chance to question what I believe and to set myself just a little freer.
Thanks to The Work, I’m now much more capable of living my teacher’s ideal of not speaking ill of others.
Have a great week,
Todd
“Q: What do you mean by ‘Don’t be spiritual—be honest instead?’
A: What I mean is that it’s very painful to pretend yourself beyond your own evolution, to live a lie, any lie.” — Byron Katie, Loving What Is.
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