A Living Turnaround is Something Helpful for Living
Let’s say you’ve got a recurring stressful situation where someone doesn’t respect you. This person somehow manages to shut you down almost every time.
How can you find a way to remain peaceful around this person?
Living turnarounds can show you.
The First Step, of Course, Is to Write a Worksheet
Pick a specific time and place where this person shut you down by being disrespectful. Then write a Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet on the person in that situation. Then question what you wrote using the four questions and turnarounds as usual.
But keep an eye out for practical turnarounds. Turnarounds that you can actually live if you find yourself back in that kind of situation again.
These practical living turnarounds will pop up spontaneously from time to time as you do your work.
For example, if I wrote “He should see me as an equal,” the living turnarounds would be “I should see me as an equal,” and “I should see him as an equal.” Just holding this idea can shift things radically the next time I’m in this kind of situation.
But I Can Take it Further by Asking, “How?”
“I should see me as an equal” is a great turnaround. Now I want to see if I can find three examples of how I could actually do that. For example, I could see myself as more of an equal by remembering that I have some experience to offer here that I don’t think he has.
I can also see myself as an equal by remembering that ultimately we are both just human beings–equals: we breathe the same air, go through the same emotions, etc..
A third example of how I could see myself as an equal might be by noticing that even though my speech is not commanding, my ideas are often quite appropriate and valuable.
These examples are all living turnarounds. They answer the question, “How could I live that? They are a good start.
You Can Go Even Further by Using the Other Person as a Reference
For example, if I want to look for even more examples of how to see myself as an equal in this situation, I can ask myself, “What would it look like if he showed up that way? If he saw me as an equal (in my ideal world) what would look like?
He would nod his head in respect.
He wouldn’t interrupt me.
He would say, “That’s interesting.”
He would ask, “What do you mean by that?”
He would be curious.
Now I can use these same ideas as directions for myself. For example, I can see myself as an equal by nodding my own head in respect to myself. Maybe it’s an internal nod. Or I could not interrupt me. That might look like not shutting up the moment he interrupts. Or by bringing the conversation back to the point I was originally making as soon as I get a chance.
I could say, “That’s interesting,” to myself about what I’m talking about. If I really do find it interesting, then I feel like an equal wanting to share. I could even ask myself, “What do I mean by that?” It keeps my curiosity piqued about what I’m sharing.
This Same Method Will Work for the Other Turnaround As Well
The turnaround to the other is “I should see him as an equal.” I can do this by:
Nodding my head in respect to him.
Not interrupting him.
Saying, “That’s interesting.”
Asking, “What do you mean by that?”
Being curious.
All these examples show practical things I can do to actually live these turnarounds. These become my directions for how to act whenever this kind of stressful situation comes up again.
Living turnarounds are your prescriptions for happiness. They show you exactly what to do to be peaceful in your situation.
Have a great week,
Todd
“The turnarounds are your prescription for health, peace, and happiness. Can you give yourself the medicine that you have been prescribing for others?” — Byron Katie, Loving What Is.
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