Keeping Everybody Happy Is A Full Time Job
I know. I’ve been putting in my hours for a long, long time.
But it’s good to know that I’m not the only one. 🙂 Last week a client brought up this issue during an individual session with me. And with her permission, I share a taste of what we learned.
She Worked the Concept, “I Don’t Want to Disappoint Anybody”
The situation was like this. She was planning to go home for a cousin’s wedding. She hadn’t been home for six years (she was living in a different country). And she really wanted to spend time with her dad, whom she hadn’t seen in six years.
To make matters worse, she was only going to be there for four days.
Different groups related to the wedding wanted to pull her all over the city for a shower, an extra luncheon, etc, in addition to the actual wedding itself. And they would not take no for an answer. Also, her father was not invited due to divorce.
She was frustrated and stressed because she knew there would be no time to spend with her dad, let alone her husband, her son, or herself.
Here’s How We Approached It
When it came to the turnaround, “I am willing to disappoint everyone,” we systematically went through all the people she could potentially disappoint and found examples of why it would be OK if they were disappointed.
We didn’t try to make a decision about what she should do. We just explored. And it was great to see that it was OK to disappoint any of these various people involved. With that new perspective, my client was freer to make her decisions in whatever way seemed right to her.
Here’s A Little of What She Found
She found that, if she went to the luncheon, it would be OK to disappoint her father because he knows her well. She has pretty much always spent more time with her friends whenever she has visited him. He would actually be pretty much surprised if she didn’t go.
Plus, he could have some time to himself. He wouldn’t have to figure out how to entertain them. And they might actually make better use of the time they do have together.
Then, on the other hand, if she didn’t go to the luncheon, it would also be OK because many of those people will have seen her at the wedding anyway. And they’ll get over it if she’s not there. They’ll still have each other.
She Found That She Was Looking At Things in the Negative Instead of the Positive
So she turned it around.
Maybe she won’t be able to see all of her family and all of her friends (something like a 100 in total) but she may end up seeing 20 of them. And 20 is better than zero. So Instead of focusing on the 80 she didn’t see and being unhappy, she found that she should focus on the 20 she does get to see.
After all, a honeybee can make great honey without visiting every single flower.
Have a great week,
Todd
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“What I love about The Work is that it allows you to go inside and find your own happiness, to experience what already exists within you, unchanging, immovable, ever-present, ever-waiting. No teacher is necessary. You are the teacher you’ve been waiting for. You are the one who can end your own suffering.” — Byron Katie, Loving What Is
