Do you believe that if you don’t worry, something bad will happen? And if something bad has happened, it was because you didn’t worry (or worry enough)? And if things are going well do you believe it is only a matter of time before they won’t?
One of my clients brought this up.
She writes, “While I’m better than the rest of my family members, I still suffer a bit from this. It does not effect my sleep except in life and death circumstances, which is when it should effect my sleep. For me it is exaggerated by my perfectionism and living with someone who really lives in the moment. That leaves any and all future preparations to me. That can be a lot of pressure. Thus a lot of worry.”
How Can The Work Help With Worry?
Worry is basically getting caught up in mental movie of a future. And I know no better way to cut through the illusions of the mind than by doing The Work. The Work simply brings me back to reality.
When you’re imagining all the terrible things that could go wrong, you’re not actually living in reality. You’re in a movie, filled with imaginary images and thoughts of the future and the past. Thoughts that build on each other like a snowball, quickly rolling out of control.
But there is a way to stop the snowball.
By Putting Your Thoughts On Paper
Try this: the next time you start worrying, get out a blank sheet of paper and start writing all your worrisome thoughts on paper. Let the mind write like a maniac. Get all the worries out on paper, where they can be frozen and looked at more objectively.
Then read what you’ve written, and circle a few key stressful thoughts that you’ve put down.
Then use the four questions of The Work, and the turnarounds, to examine the other side of the story. Use The Work as simply a way to explore the truth about your worries. Think of it as research. You know one side of the story (the side your thoughts are telling), now consider the opposite side of the story, and see if it could be as true, or truer?
But Maybe You Don’t Want To Stop Worrying
You may be equating worrying with being responsible. Or you may be a victim of the thought, “If I don’t worry, then things will go badly.”
These thoughts themselves can be questioned with The Work. Take yourself through the four questions like this, “If I don’t worry, things will go badly. Is that true?” Or, “If I don’t worry, I’m not responsible. Is that true?” Spend some time in the questions and turnarounds, finding examples of how the opposites could be just as true, or truer.
When it comes to fear, the mind is able and willing to be irrational. The Work can bring you back to the rational side of things.
Doing The Work does not mean that you have to give up planning, and being responsible, though. How much more responsible could you be if you just did the necessary actions, without the worry? Through The Work, you may be able to separate the stress from the planning. To separate the irrational from the rational. And this may give a lot more options than just snowballing.
You May Want To Go Deeper With The Work
In addition to questioning what you wrote in your free-form stream of consciousness on paper, you may find some good places to write Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheets. For example, you may think that your hyper-responsibility is valid because another person is so sloppy or lazy.
You can write a Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet on the incompetence of the other person. And by working through it, you may find that they are actually more trustworthy than you thought. In fact, the only reason they are lazy, or apparently incompetent, may be because you take all the responsibility and have never properly trained them to be responsible.
Worry Is A Great Movie
But like all movies, you are free to get up and walk out anytime. The Work can help you move from that petrified state of being engrossed in the movie to an awareness that you’re sitting right near the aisle, just a few steps away from a worry free space.
Have a great week,
Todd
