But, like any medicine, they can be administered improperly.
For example, you may have written on a Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet, “He is mean, condescending, abusive, cruel, unfair, and controlling.”
When you turn this around to yourself, it can sound harsh, “I am mean, condescending, abusive, cruel, unfair, and controlling,” especially if you’re already in the habit of beating yourself up mentally.
It’s not the purpose of The Work to beat yourself up. Yes, The Work is a way to become aware of what you’re doing to yourself and others. And coming out of denial is not always pretty. But the only point is to simply notice what we’re doing, so we can stop. You can’t change something if you’re unaware you’re doing it.
The purpose of the turnaround to the self is to notice how I am just like the person I am judging. I am mean, just like him. I am also unfair, like him. There is a joining here, when done gently. And it sets the two of us on equal par–both human.
Turnarounds can lead to humility. And humility is delicious. It is freedom.
But don’t confuse humility with humiliation!
Humility is letting go of being right. It is letting go of attack. It is generosity. But humiliation is turning the attack back towards yourself. It is not generous. And it is not The Work. It is simply the old way of attack, and more attack.
Next time you notice a harshness when turning a thought around to yourself, try some of these tips. When you administer your prescription for happiness properly, you may find that the result is quite pleasant.
Have a great week,
Todd
We are not meant to live stressed lives. Learn how to address the root cause of your stress and find your freedom again. Otherwise, stress will keep accumulating. Learn how to break the cycle of stress here.