When the mind wants to have a particular experience doing The Work, it tries to set things up to get what it wants. This makes perfect sense, of course, because that’s how we do things in the world. We set our sights on a goal, and then we do everything we can to get there.
But this approach doesn’t work so well when doing The Work of Byron Katie (4 Questions and Turnarounds). If I have a particular outcome in mind when doing The Work, I actually limit the process. If I want to go deep, my mind is closed to the shallow end of life, which may actually be where balance can be found at times.
Having an open mind when doing The Work means open to “deep” and “shallow” alike. Only then can the mind be free to explore in an unbiased way. When shallow and deep are equal, the mind does not discard anything in its search for balance.
I remember when I first started doing The Work. I saw the power of this process, and I wanted to maximize it. I thought a good way to do that would be to bring up deep topics, painful issues, embarrassing stuff, trauma. Then, I would be getting to the core of everything with The Work.
The thing about these kinds of topics is that they do feel deep—deep because I don’t talk about them often. They lie deep in my memory, and to bring them out feels like a big deal. So having the courage to bring up deep topics felt important when I started doing The Work.
I still enjoy bringing out deep topics from time to time. But I no longer believe those topics are better for doing The Work, or more important to work. They are simply one aspect of my experience.
Over time, I have done The Work on everything from the “deep” to the “trivial.” Big, traumatic events from my past have come to be worked, and tiny, insignificant daily rubs have been worked.
My conclusion is that both are equally helpful to explore. Ironically, tiny little daily problems contain the whole depth of my life too. From this perspective, every situation has depth. Every situation can bring me back home.
When someone doesn’t reply to my text and I feel a little stress, it doesn’t take much courage to write a worksheet. It’s so minor that there is little resistance to getting started. Compare that to the courage needed to face a big issue from the past.
Secondly, you don’t have to get it right. There is no pressure to “find the solution” when dealing with a shallow situation because the stakes are not high. It’s more of a curiosity, not a matter of life or death. This lack of pressure allows the mind to look freely in all directions when answering the questions of The Work.
And finally, minor situations are often fresh in my mind. More often than not, I work these little moments of stress soon after they happen, allowing me to easily remember the details. And the good news is there is an unending supply of these little minor moments. Just look back over the last 24 hours. There is always a moment that could be the entry point for a worksheet.
Join us for The Work 101 online course (Apr 11- Jun 12) to practice this yourself. You will write several Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheets on various situations (your choice of deep or shallow). And you’ll get a chance to work through these worksheets to gain direct experience with this process.
Have a great week,
Todd
“If you don’t know what to write about, wait. Life will give you a topic. Maybe a friend didn’t call you back when she said she would, and you’re disappointed. Maybe when you were five years old, your mother punished you for something you didn’t do. Maybe you’re upset or frightened when you read the newspaper or think about the suffering in the world.” Byron Katie, Loving What Is
Further reading: Deep Does Not Equal Free
We are not meant to live stressed lives. Learn how to address the root cause of your stress and find your freedom again. Otherwise, stress will keep accumulating. Learn how to break the cycle of stress here.
