How Can you Find Contentment?
Someone asked me this last weekend at a presentation I was giving on The Work.
My answer at the time was in terms of balance. Balance of thinking, balance of sleep, balance of food, balance of exercise. All true…
But I was not content with my answer.
Yes, balance is important. But it still has some dependency on external things. I have to have a certain amount of sleep, or certain balanced food. And this is not always easy to control.
So there must be a deeper answer to the question of contentment.
Maybe The Better Question to Ask Is “What Causes Discontentment?”
In my experience, discontentment comes from attachment to something. When I’m attached, I cannot be content. If I’m attached to a particular goal, there is a part of me that can’t fully rest until the goal is met.
And if I already possess something that I’m attached to, I cannot be content either. Because I’m afraid of losing what I’m attached to.
Attachment thoughts often come in the form of wants and needs. “I need to get a good grade.” “I want him to like me.” “I don’t want our house to fall in the river.” “I don’t want him to reject me.”
These wants and needs show me what I’m attached to.
The Good News Is That I Can Question my Wants and Needs
That’s what The Work is all about. Attachments are rigid points in my thinking. When life pulls me this way and that, those rigid attachments (my wants and needs) start causing me stress. That’s how I notice them.
When I question my stressful wants and needs, using the four questions and turnarounds of The Work, I can often find that not getting what I want is equal to getting what I want. I start to see advantages to both getting what I want and not getting what I want. This is very freeing. It means that I’m not dependent on any outcome to be happy.
When I find this, I find contentment.
This Is Surrender
Surrender to reality, or to God, or to “the way of it,” brings contentment. As soon as I completely surrender my wants and needs, I’m free. That is contentment.
And if you need a little help in doing this, the four questions and turnarounds of The Work can help you question any attachments that are left.
Have a great week,
Todd
“A thought is harmless unless we believe it. It’s not our thoughts, but the attachment to our thoughts, that causes suffering. Attaching to a thought means believing that it’s true, without inquiring.” Byron Katie, Question Your Thinking, Change The World
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