Doing The Work Is Like Breaking Into A House
My beliefs are carefully locked up inside me. And I don’t want anyone messing with them. My ego keeps it this way so that it can maintain control.
But personally, I’ve lost confidence in my ego’s ability to run things. I’ve started questioning everything, and am willing to take whatever consequences may come from being brutally honest with myself.
Otherwise, my ego gets to stay safe and in control, and I have to live shut up and locked down.
Two Ways to Break In
Just like breaking into a house, there are two ways to break into my well protected beliefs. One is to break in through the front door. The other is to check all the other entrances, including windows, crawl spaces, cat doors, etc.
If you’ve ever worked with me, you know that I can sometimes be relentless in looking for turnaround examples. In other words, I tend to be a “front door facilitator.”
Like a locksmith, I tend to get out my tools (the turnarounds), and start picking away at the lock on the front door (the original belief). I’ll sit there all day if necessary. I don’t stop just because we got the latch open. I keep picking away until the deadbolt opens too, and the security chain is broken, and the wooden bar across the door is removed.
Or until my client, or myself, says “Mercy!”
In Other Words I’m Stubborn
I sometimes spend an hour just working on Line 1 from a Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet. Or I’ll sit there and find 30 examples of a turnaround, until something resonates with me and, “pop,” the door opens.
But I’m starting to question my typical approach of sitting at the front door stubbornly until it opens. When you think about it, the front door is usually the most well protected door in the house. It usually has two locks, maybe even three or four.
Maybe digging my heels in and sticking with one concept until it breaks open is not the most efficient way to get the job done.
Here’s A New Approach I’m Playing With
I start with Line 1, of course. Go through the four questions and turnarounds, and if I hit a major resistance, I move on.
For example, maybe I can’t find any examples for the turnaround. Instead of sitting there pounding my head, or the head of my client, I get up and move to other statements on the worksheet.
In other words, I move around and start trying the other doors and windows of the house. Without much effort, I often find one that opens easily.
Does it really matter which entrance I use? I’m just as much inside using a window as I would have been if I had come in from the front door.
A Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet Is A List Of Doorways
When someone hands me a filled-in Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet, or when I write one myself, I have just been handed a list of potential entranceways into the ego’s lair.
It seems silly to ignore the whole list of potential entries, and focus exclusively on one. My new approach is to keep trying every statement on the worksheet, one after the other. If I get nowhere with one, I move to the next, and the next, and the next, until something opens.
The ego doesn’t have time to deadbolt every door. So watch out, ego, I’m playing a numbers game now!
What’s Your Experience?
Do you keep moving when you hit a turnaround that you can’t find examples for? Do you move on when you get stuck in question 4? Or do you hunker down and keep trying?
I remember Katie saying that the Worksheet is “stacked.” And The Work is “checkmate.” When I look at it this way, it seems to make better sense for me to keep on moving if a door doesn’t open on the first or second attempt.
But maybe it’s a balance between these two approaches. Certainly, if I move on too quickly, I may not gain entry to any door because I’m not even trying. I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Have a great weekend,
Todd
“Turn the original statement around any way you want to until you find the turnarounds that penetrate the most.” Byron Katie, Loving What Is
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