The Mind Can Even Use The Work Against You
The Work of Byron Katie is a simple tool for self-inquiry. But the mind can turn it into yet another way to feel bad about yourself.
Here are two ways I’ve noticed that the mind tries to do this:
1. By taking the turnarounds too far
2. By judging itself as “not good at The Work”
Let’s take a look at each of these mind traps.
1. Taking The Turnarounds Too Far
This is one of the most common ways for the mind to slip in some self-flagellation while doing The Work. It looks like this.
Say you’re working the statement, “He’s not very self-aware.” And you get to the turnaround to the self, which is, “I’m not very self-aware.”
The mind might take the opportunity to jump in and use this against you. It might use each example of how you’re not very self-aware to push you down and hurt you.
When the mind does this, it leaves you feeling like crap instead of lighter and freer.
That’s Because It’s Taken The Turnaround Too Far
The turnaround serves only as a balance to the original stressful statement.
If I am feeling disgust and anger at somebody because, “He is not very self-aware,” then finding examples of how I’m just like him brings me balance. I start cutting him some slack because I know sometimes I’m not so self-aware myself.
This levels the playing field. It allows me to feel some compassion and understanding for him. But if I take it too far, I beat myself up. Then I become the person I’m disgusted and angry at instead of him. I’ve merely switched from attacking him to attacking me.
That is not balance. And for me, that is not The Work. The Work, for me, is about holding the turnaround together with the original statement so that they balance each other out.
2. Judging Yourself
Judging yourself as “not good at The Work” is another common way that the mind can use The Work to self-attack. It does this by comparing you to an ideal: “Byron Katie (or others) do The Work ‘right.’ I don’t do The Work like her. Therefore, I do it wrong.”
This is not restricted to The Work. The mind can take anything you’re doing, make a performance evaluation, and make you feel bad about it.
So how do you overcome this one?
For Me, The First Step Is Inquiry
I would question the thought, “I’m not good at The Work.” And see if that’s really true or not. Who are you comparing yourself to? What else could be going on besides “not being good” at it?
And if you find that indeed you are not good at it, then how could that be a good thing? For me, not being good at something puts me in the position of being a student, which is actually exciting. As a student, I can then start looking for all the ways to grow my experience with The Work.
What has grown my experience with The Work the most has been 1) listening to videos and recordings of others doing The Work 2) pairing up with others to do The Work 3) going to The School for The Work.
Finally, I Question My Motives
If I believe that I desperately need to have insights through with The Work, then the pressure of having that desired outcome can block me in my inquiry. I’m measuring my progress at every step, instead of innocently doing my inquiry.
For this reason, I find it helpful to write down what I want to get from The Work and question each of those motives. “I want to be peaceful, is that true? Does that thought bring me peace or stress? Who would I be without that thought while doing The Work ?
I’d love to hear your thoughts. How do you keep from beating yourself up with The Work?
Have a great week,
Todd
“If someone tells me I’m a terrible person, I go inside myself, and in two seconds I can find where in my life I’ve been a terrible person; it doesn’t take much searching. And if someone says I’m a wonderful person, I can easily find that, too. This is about self-realization, not about right or wrong. It’s about freedom.” Byron Katie, A Thousand Names for Joy
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