Loss of Any Kind Is a Common Source of Stress
The biggest examples of loss usually are when someone dies, or when someone leaves a relationship.
But loss can be felt in many other situations too. For example, loss of a job, loss of a possession, loss of computer data, loss of status, loss of faith, loss of memory, loss of health, even just the experience of losing (as in losing a competition).
Regardless of the cause, the reaction to the idea of loss is often grief, or anger, or sadness.
How Can The Work of Byron Katie Help with Loss?
The Work is a way to identify the stressful thoughts associated with a particular loss, and to question those thoughts.
Here are a two ways to identify stressful thoughts related to loss that have been helpful for me when doing The Work.
1. Simple Reporting
When my Mom died in an accident, I simply wrote down any stressful thought that came to mind and questioned it. I remember the first thought I questioned the day after she died was, “I want my Mommy.” Another one I questioned was, “I have to figure it out,” regarding how the crash happened.
These were just random stressful thoughts that I questioned. And each one opened the door to a little more peace with her death.
2. Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheets
I’ve used JYNW’s in many situations of loss. In the case of the loss of reputation, I’ve written worksheets on the people who exposed me. In the case of loss due to death, I’ve written worksheets on God for taking them away from me. In the case of loss of friendship, I’ve written worksheets on the friend that rejected me.
When I look, there’s almost always someone or something I’m blaming in the case of loss. Something that’s making me a victim. That’s where I write my worksheet.
And when I’ve questioned what I wrote on my worksheets using the four questions and turnarounds of The Work, I often find the sadness and anger loosening.
In the case of my mom’s death, it took two months for the sadness to leave completely doing The Work on it every day.
Have a great week,
Todd
“It doesn’t matter what symbols we use—poverty, loneliness, loss—it’s the concepts of good and bad that we attach to them that make us suffer.” — Byron Katie, Question Your Thinking, Change The World
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