The Word Story Has a Connotation
It has the connotation that you’re making something up, telling a lie. And telling a lie also has a connotation of being bad. So there can be a little bit of judgment floating around the word story.
A client picked-up on this and brought it to my attention. When he hears the question, “Who would you be without your story?” he feels a little bad about himself.
I Can Totally See What He Means
I think the phrase, “Who would you be without your story?” is designed to point out the possibility that what I was thinking might just be a lie. And this can be helpful to wake me up.
But if I have a tendency to be hard on myself, this little wake up call can feel more like an insult, or punishment. “Bad me! For telling a story, a lie, again.”
This Is Not the Purpose of the Question
The purpose of The Work is not to beat myself up. The only purpose of questioning what I believe is to expand my mind to see all sides of things.
So if the word story is causing self-flagellation, why use it?
My client says that he prefers the word theory. He asks himself, “Who would you be without your theory?” And it works for him. It has a less emotional connotation. “We’re just looking at theories here. No one knows anything for sure. So let’s explore.”
I Personally Like Question Four the Way It Is
Question four of The Work is, “Who would you be without the thought?” Again, this seems more neutral to me. And it is by far the most common way I ask the question.
But every once in a while I do enjoy asking “Who would you be without your story?” Even with the negative connotation of the word story. Sometimes that word just says it perfectly.
What’s Your Experience?
Do you find that the question, “Who would you be without your story?” makes you feel bad? Or is it a useful question in your arsenal?
Have a great week,
Todd
“I often use the word story to talk about thoughts, or sequences of thoughts, that we convince ourselves are real… Stories are the untested, uninvestigated theories that tell us what all these things mean. We don’t even realize that they’re just theories.” — Byron Katie, Loving What Is.
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