Or Look at People Lying
Is lying wrong?
Lying is certainly not right for me. When I lie, I feel badly. I feel the loss of my integrity. I don’t like that feeling. So I call it “wrong.” A more correct way to express myself might be to say “It hurts me when I do that.”
But if someone else lies, how do I know it hurts them? Do I really know that they are “wrong” (by my own definition)?
How do I know it hurts them to lie? Maybe they don’t have a big thing against lying like I do. Maybe they consider it to be just a white lie. Maybe they haven’t stepped out of their integrity at all.
Or Maybe It’s a Cultural Thing
In some cultures, lying about certain things is considered normal. Who knows what cultural framework is working for someone when I try to apply my morals to them.
Basically, when I see someone else as doing it “wrong,” I could very well be the only one who’s wrong. For one thing, I’ve just wronged myself by judging them. It hurts me when I do that. That’s wrong by my definition.
Here’s an example of the relativity of right and wrong in my family.
My Mom and Dad Were Both Doctors
As a doctor, my dad has always been into holistic health practices, especially Ayurveda. On the other hand, my mom was always very mainstream in her approach to medicine.
My mom’s work naturally involved her working with drug companies–which many people, including me, often consider to be a big evil in society. I remember my dad asking me how my mom could morally allow herself to promote drugs that could kill people.
Here’s How I Resolved it for Me
Mom believed that the allopathic system of medicine was the best system we had to help the sick. But she knew it was not a perfect system. For her, it was just the best system available. So the side-effects of drugs were something she was willing to live in an evolving system.
For her there was nothing wrong with prescribing drugs and working with drug companies. In her mind, the drug companies were on the same team as her trying to solve medicine’s toughest problems.
There was nothing wrong in it from her point of view.
My Mom and Dad Were Both Right
They were right from their own perspectives. Mom was doing the best she could with what she believed was an imperfect system (yet the best one available in her opinion).
But dad believes there is a better system. And believing that, he could no longer participate in allopathy with a clear conscience. He had a moral obligation to move away from prescribing drugs because of his belief.
Right and wrong really do depend on what you believe.
Which Brings Me Back to Me
Is it wrong for me? That’s all I ever need to know.
When I go into anything else, I go into everyone else’s business but my own. And that feels bad–to me.
Have a great weekend,
Todd
“Even so called truths eventually fall away. Every truth is a distortion of what is” — Byron Katie, Question Your Thinking, Change The World p. 211.
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