Why You May Just Need To Chuck A Tantrum
Useful as an ashtray on a motorbike.
Australians have their own ways of saying things. Colorful ways, that tend to get a smile out of me. That’s why I loved learning a new one last week.
Aussies don’t throw a tantrum. They “chuck” a tantrum.
And Sometimes That’s Just What We All Need To Do
Do you obsess about finding the “right” concept to do The Work on?
Well, it may be time for you to chuck a tantrum instead. If you’re trying to do it perfectly. If you’re trying to write that perfect Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet to end all Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheets, then you’re not really doing The Work.
The Work starts with your raw mind on paper. Not your doctored-up mind on paper. Not even necessarily a version of your mind that fits perfectly on a Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet. The Work starts with your authentic mind.
You Have To Start From Where You Are
And if that means you have to rant, then so be it. Rant into a tape recorder. Rant free-form on a blank sheet of paper. Call a friend and rant into the phone. Ask them just to listen. And be sure that you record it, or have your friend take notes.
This is your raw mind on paper. And it may not be in perfect shape to do The Work yet. But it’s a true starting point. Not to mention that getting it all out by ranting and raving can bring a sense of relief in and of itself.
But That’s Just Step One
Once you have your raw mind on paper, it’s time to identify the one-liners in what you’ve said. Look through the notes that your friend took. Or listen to the recording of your rant. And make a list of every stressful concept that you hear.
You can adjust the wording, if you like, to get short simple sentences. That way your stressful concepts become easy to take to The Work.
Some Concepts Will Lend Themselves To A Full Worksheet
This is especially true when your concepts start to bring up another person. In addition to working the raw concepts as they came out of your head, you can also focus-in on some concepts to go deeper.
For example, “I am so stupid! I can’t believe I trusted her” can be fleshed out into an entire Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet. It would look like this:
1. I am angry at her because she is untrustworthy.
2. I want her to keep what I tell her confidential. I want her to respect me. I want her to grow-up.
3. She should realize that she hurts me when she does this. She should consider the person she’s exposing. She should stop being so selfish. She should ask herself if she really wants to hurt them.
4. I need her to apologize. I need her to take responsibility for what happened.
5. She is untrustworthy, selfish, immature, interfering, dangerous, a big pain.
6. I don’t ever want her to abuse my trust again. I don’t ever want her to divulge my secrets again.
All of these concepts from the Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet can now be questioned and turned around.
The Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet Builds On The Raw Thoughts You Expressed In Your Original Tantrum
That’s why the tantrum is so valuable. If you’re trying to write a Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet with the motive of doing it right, you may miss this authentic version of the raw mind that comes out when you rant.
A Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet is a place to throw a tantrum. But if you’re too rule oriented, you may want to have your tantrum without that formal structure of the worksheet first. Then you can work your way to a worksheet from there.
It may not be necessary. But it’s a good thing to keep in your back pocket if you need it. If you really want to see your raw mind on paper and come to love it, do like the Aussies do and chuck a tantrum.
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