Category Archives for Balance

Balance in Life

leaf balanced on a fern

A leaf balances lightly on a fern for a while until the wind blows and it balances somewhere else. Is there ever a place where it is not balanced?

Balance in Life

My first motivation in writing this was to remind myself that The Work is not everything. You can’t pay the electric bill by doing The Work (not true actually). The Work is not a substitute for eating good food, meditating, sleeping, or exercising.

In other words, my theory was that life is a balance. And that’s important for me to see because I tend to be all or nothing. I’ve always looked for one thing to do which would take care of everything else. For me, that one thing has been spiritual practice.

And in theory, I still think it’s right. True spirituality is enough. It is the end of problems. But the problem comes when I’m not fully there yet.

When I’m Not Fully There…

…I still care about my health. When I’m not fully there, I still care about what people think about me. When I’m not fully there, I’m not fully free.

So it’s a mix.

I spend some time in meditation, some time doing The Work, some time exercising, some time cooking food, some time with family and friends, some time sleeping, and some time playing. It seems slow, but to go any faster would be to leave myself, to be out of integrity, to be ahead of my own evolution.

Slow and Steady Wins the Race

I see the goal. I am in love with the idea of spiritual freedom, and have been my whole life. And I love the practices that promote spiritual growth.

But one practice that seemed counterintuitive to me at first is the practice of letting go even of spiritual practices and spiritual goals. But that too is now a part of my practice.

Give Me a Cave in the Woods

That’s my fantasy.

A place to meditate and focus on what’s dear to me: my meditation practice.

But I don’t go there because there are other things dear to me as well, most importantly the approval of others, but also the comforts of home and health. So until it’s clear to me that a cave is where I’m going, I try to keep the balance of life here.

That is a choice I make to favor balance over fantasy until I’m clear that the fantasy is what I want. And the little sadness that comes shows me what to work on… my attachment to the fantasy.

The Middle Path Is Renunciation for Me

My mind goes to extremes. I want total enlightenment, total freedom, to be above the cares of being in the world. But that too is a care. And it is my path now to renounce even that care, or at least to question it. The Work helps me, as always, to come back to balance in life by showing me how to question everything.

Join us for The Work 101, my eight-week online course in The Work of Byron Katie.

Have a great week,
Todd

“I used to tell my children, “Make friends with mediocrity.” You can find perfect enlightenment in just doing the dishes. There’s nothing more spiritual than that. Someone can spend three years meditating in a cave, and your practice of just doing the dishes every day is equal to that. Can you love the balance, the harmony, of sweeping the floor? That harmony is the ultimate success, whether you’re a pauper or a king. You can achieve it from wherever you are. There are no trumpets blaring; there’s only peace.” Byron Katie, A Mind at Home with Itself

The Power of Unplugging

the stars and moon in the trees

Unwinding happens naturally when there are no demands on me.

There Is Nothing like Leaving it all Behind

About an hour before arriving at Breitenbush Hot Springs I lost cell service. And with it I left all my cares behind for a few days. It’s amazing how much time you have when you’re not checking emails, doing jobs, or planning new things.

I literally had nothing to do for five days other than show up three times a day for the course that Grace Bell and I were hosting. I slept a little later the first few nights. I went to bed early every night. I walked in the woods. I breathed in the fresh evergreen air.

There was no career, no family, no future, no past. Just the very basics of life.

I Found it Rejuvenating to Do Nothing

Not doing anything is a turnaround for me who is always doing something. Not planning anything is a turnaround for me who is always planning something. Not being productive is a turnaround for me who is always trying to be productive.

And when turnarounds meet stress they balance each other out. It’s always that simple. If I’m hungry, eating is my turnaround. If I’m tired, sleeping in my turnaround. If I’m busy, rest is my turnaround.

And it is also true that if I’m lethargic, then activity is my turnaround. If I’m bored, creativity is my turnaround. If I’m weak, movement is my turnaround.

Turnarounds Bring Balance

That’s all The Work of Byron Katie is about: balance. There are no absolutes. There is only balance in an ever shifting, ever changing life. The Work is my tool to find balance in any situation by bringing in the turnaround.

It seems obvious. And it really is that simple. But the obvious hides in plain sight. I literally can’t see the obvious when I’m driven. When I believe that I must get somewhere, I miss the fact that I have what I want even here.

The Work Is a Way Back to Nature

Not the nature of pine trees and stars. But the natural experience of peace. It is the movement away from what I think I want and need that brings me peace. It is the letting go that frees me.

That is what question 4 of The Work always invites: “Who would you be without that thought?” It’s an invitation into the cool, refreshing woods of myself. Who would I be without the thought that I need to get somewhere? I’d be in peace right here.

This means that you don’t have to go to the woods to find peace. The trees can be a quiet help, but peace is available even in the midst of a busy project, or busy family. It lies only a turnaround away. As soon as I question, “I want…” and “I need…” and balance them with “I don’t wan’t…” and “I don’t need…,” the mind naturally comes back home to rest, even if it’s busily engaged in activity.

The mind can literally can be unplugged even while still plugged in.

Join us next week for my free Open Sessions and let’s do The Work together.

Have a great weekend,
Todd

“I understand how painful the unquestioned mind is. I also understand that love is the power. Mind originates in love and ultimately returns to its source. Love is mind’s homing device, and until mind returns, it has no rest.” Byron Katie, A Mind at Home with Itself

Peaceful Coexistence with Addictions

balancing rock

Every addiction has a balance point.

Active Addiction Is an Internal War

One one side you have the attraction of the senses towards the object. And on the other hand you have the internal resistance to indulging. That’s the essence of the battle.

Sometimes the senses dominate, leading to indulgence. Sometimes resistance dominates, leading to abstinence. And round and round it goes: temptation, resistance, weakening of resistance, indulgence, remorse, resolve to resist more strongly next time, temptation, extra resistance, weakening of resistance, indulgence, extra remorse, extra resolve to resist more strongly, etc.

The cycle of addiction is a vicious cycle with ever increasing intensity of resistance and sensory experience. It is exhausting, and wears down the mind, the self-esteem, and even the senses.

Where Is the Balance Point in this War?

Many of us focus on trying to get rid of the addiction, often even doing The Work with this purpose in mind. But this doesn’t usually get too far. Because it is biased. And The Work doesn’t work so well when you’re doing it with a bias.

It’s like taking sides in a war—selling weapons to the side of resistance to addiction while trying to destroy the side of indulgence.

But true peace doesn’t come from victory of one side over the other. If resistance to addiction wins, there may be temporary, external peace. But true peace comes only when resistance and indulgence come into balance with each other.

This Can Mean Doing The Work on the Motives for doing The Work

If the motive for doing The Work is to get rid of addiction, then this motive needs to be questioned. You can literally question, “I need The Work to help me with my addiction.”

This is radical work.

It means literally stepping out into no man’s land. Who would I be without the thought, “I need The Work to help me with my addiction”? I would not be trying to get rid of the addiction. I would see it as the teacher that it is. I would not be pushing addiction away. I would not be using The Work as a weapon against addiction. I would be open to it, unafraid of it, meeting it, listening to it.

As Soon as I Push, I Engage the War

Pushing against the senses is war. And pushing towards the senses is war. For me the balance point lies in neither pushing towards sensory gratification nor pushing against sensory gratification.

At first, this seems like permission to indulge, but it is a really subtle balance point. Neither pursuing pleasure, not fighting against it—that is the neutral place. And in the beginning, the mind cannot land there. It is constantly slipping off to one side or the other. But with practice, in my experience, it can be held.

It feels like the balance between surrender (that the senses are more powerful than me—so resistance is futile) and awareness (that sensory pleasure is not really what I’m interested in). That’s where I can float between not stepping onto the slippery slope of temptation yet not trying to destroy temptation either.

It is a peaceful coexistence (non-interest and non-resistance living side by side). Then I am free. There is nothing I need to avoid. And nothing I want to pursue. I am in a state of balance that is no longer a fragile balance, but rather a balance that can roll with anything that comes—even full indulgence if it comes again, or full resistance if it comes again.

Here Are Some of the Ways I Have Done The Work on This

I like to question thoughts on both sides of addiction:

On the indulgence side
I want to indulge.
I deserve to have fun.
I want to feel good.
It feels so good.
I’m not really addicted.
It’s too hard to resist.
The cravings are too strong.

On the resistance side
I need to stop this.
It’s out of control.
It’s shameful to be addicted.
I shouldn’t be addicted.
Addiction is bad.
I’m a bad person.
I need to be stronger.
I need to resist more strongly.

It Takes a Gentle Approach to Question Both Sides

The mind can start to spin if you go too fast.

I like to take each stressful thought when it comes up naturally in my life. Instead of making a list as I did above, I just wait for the next stressful thought about addiction to arise, and question it. That keeps it real. And ensures that I’m only balancing the part that needs to be balanced in any given moment.

The list above is just a reference for the kinds of thoughts that can come up on both sides of balance. In my experience, it’s okay to question even resistance thoughts. That was the missing piece for me to find my balance point.

Have a great weekend,
Todd

“But here’s addiction: A concept arises that says that I should or I shouldn’t smoke, I believe it, and I move from the reality of the present. Without inquiry, we believe thoughts that aren’t true for us, and these thoughts are the reasons that we smoke or drink. Who would you be without your ‘should’ or ‘shouldn’t’?” Byron Katie, Loving What Is

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Does your Mind Trick you into Thinking, “I’ve Seen this Before”?

Japanese maple

As a photographer, if I thought, “Yeah, yeah, red leaves. I’ve seen this before,” I’d never experience the beauty nor take the photograph.

The Mind Is Expert at Getting Out of Work

And one of its favorite excuses is “I’ve seen this before.”

This is a clever way of discrediting any insights that may be coming up when doing The Work. Another phrase for the same excuse is, “Boring!” or “This is repetitive.”

But these are nothing but lame excuses.

The Work Is Not About Being Ingeniously Creative

When doing The Work, you don’t have to come up with clever new ways of spinning things. You don’t have to come up with examples that are brand new—never been seen before—to do powerful work.

Just like you don’t have to come up with brand new rattlesnake antivenom every time you get bitten by a rattlesnake. You just use the same boring old rattlesnake antivenom and it does its job.

Turnarounds Are like Antivenom

It’s not my creative prowess that makes them work. Its the simple fact that they are the precise medicine needed to balance my original statement. All I need to do to make it work is let the antivenom come in contact with the venom.

As the original stressful thought and the turnaround soak into each other they cancel each other out, just like venom and antivenom.

Good Things Happen When You Let Things Soak In

When you give a turnaround time, you may find old examples for the turnaround coming up. Stuff you’ve seen before. You may find new examples too. But before you discredit the old ones, let them soak in.

Just because you’ve seen a turnaround example before, doesn’t mean that the stuck part inside of you has seen it—especially in this new situation. In fact, that stuck part must not have seen it yet, otherwise it wouldn’t be so stuck.

And my having seen it before in other situations is totally irrelevant. It’s like saying to a dying snake bite victim, “Antivenom you say? Oh yeah, good idea, but I’ve used that before. I guess there’s not much we’re going to be able to do for you.”

I Invite You to Be a Boring Doctor

Willing to use the same medicine again and again for as long as it is needed.

Or if you want to be more romantic, be an artist or a poet when you do your work. Keep painting the same old flowers but find new beauty in them each time you paint them.

Didn’t Monet paint the same old haystacks hundreds of times? I wouldn’t call any of his works boring. In fact, what makes them amazing is the depth that he was able to access by doing the same thing over and over again.

I’ve been doing The Work work over 10 years, and there still are surprises, but there are also lots of things I’ve seen before. Only now I see them even more clearly and more deeply, and they are becoming second nature to me.

But I still let them soak in when my turnarounds call for them. That’s how I keep deepening the balance that is growing in me.

To me, that is exciting. Not boring.

Have a great weekend,
Todd

“The four questions and turnaround of The Work will take you as deep as you want to go.” Byron Katie, A Thousand Names for Joy

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Turning Around Today’s Newsletter

tugboat

A tug boat helps turn this ship around.

Today Let’s Turn Things Around

Instead of sharing with you my insights about The Work and life in general today, I invite you to share your recent insights with me.

Have a great week,
Todd

“I am always the student. I love to be in that position, bowing, listening, at the feet of all that I see. This doesn’t require an open mind: it is the open mind. It never has to take responsibility for knowing or for not knowing. It receives everything without defense, without judgment, since judgment would cost it everything it is. The moment you think you’re someone or think you have something to teach, the inner world freezes and becomes the realm of illusion. That’s what it costs when you identify yourself as the person who knows. It’s a concoction of mind. You shrink down into the teacher: limited, separate, stuck.” Byron Katie, A Mind at Home with Itself

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What if Life Were Just a Hobby?

model airplane

This man is getting his model airplane ready to fly.

Hobbies Are Not Serious

That’s what makes them fun!

Even when you take your hobby seriously, as I’m sure these model airplane hobbyists do, there is always a certain lightness to the way you hold a hobby. After all, it’s just for fun.

Compare this to the way many of us take life—like it’s life or death! We see it as very serious. Survival is at risk. It’s not play.

But Why Does Life Have to Be So Serious?

It doesn’t.

It all depends on how identified you become with it. Even a hobby can be serious—in some cases stressful—if there is no separation between me and it.

In fact, it is that little bit of separation that makes anything fun. It allows me to take risks, to not worry about doing it wrong, to experiment. When I’m not 100% identified with something, there is a safety factor built in. And when I feel safe, I can play.

The Work Helps Me Step Back a Little

When things start getting serious, for example when I start getting angry, or sad, or stressed, then I bring out The Work.

The Work is my way of helping me look at the big picture again. Whatever seems serious, I ask “Is it true?” and I start to gain a little bit of separation, a little bit of perspective. And that’s what makes me relax again.

I love question 4 of The Work, “Who would you be without the thought?” for the same reason. It gives me perspective. It pulls me out of my deep identification. Suddenly, it’s not serious. My ups and downs are just a part of the exciting drama of life unfolding. When I’m not identified with what is happening, I feel safe, and can let things go the way they go.

There Is a Time for Improving and a Time for Letting Go

Most of life is spent improving things, growing, evolving, perfecting, striving to accomplish. That really is a huge part of life. It is even a part of any hobby. There’s nothing wrong with it at all.

But there’s an equally important part of life, the part of letting go. This balances the perfecting side of life. And it allows me to take it easy when my efforts fail. It keeps me safe.

When a model airplane crashes, it is a disappointment, but it is not crushing because the perspective is that it is just a hobby. This built-in perspective makes it easy to let go.

What if You Thought of Life as Just a Hobby?

It could be very interesting to strive for perfection even while free of any need to achieve it. That’s the feeling of a hobby—doing it just for fun.

The Work opens this perspective by questioning any part of life that still feels serious. The more I do it, the less attached I am. And the less attached I am, the more chances I take. And the more chances I take the more fun I have.

Here’s to healthy separation as a balance to full engagement!

Have a great weekend,
Todd

“As the mind realizes itself, it stops identifying with its own thoughts. This leaves a lot of open space. A mature mind can entertain any idea; it is never threatened by opposition or conflict, because it knows that it can’t be hindered. When it has no position to defend or identity to protect, it can go anywhere.” Byron Katie, A Thousand Names for Joy

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Another Ancient Text Describes The Work

temple tree

The mind hasn’t changed much over the millennia.

I Love Reading Ancient Spiritual Texts

Just like I love reading modern spiritual texts. Because the message is pretty much always the same: come back to yourself.

I just love hearing all the thousands of ways it can be said. And all the thousands of ways it can be done.

The Other Night I Read This One

It’s from Vasishtha’s Yoga, an ancient Indian treatise on enlightenment. There are many times when I’m reading a book like this that I’m reminded of The Work of Byron Katie, but this quote was a particularly clear description of The Work for me:

“When the thought, ‘This is pleasure’ is confronted by the thought ‘This is not’, they both perish. I remain in that peace that survives this.”

This Is the Balance that Turnarounds Bring

If I was doing The Work on the thought, “This is pleasure,” the turnaround to the opposite would be, “This is not pleasure.” Neither one is completely true. But each describes one side of it.

If I was believing only one side, the turnaround gives me a chance to find truth in the other side.

Together they balance each other so completely as to cancel each other out. And what remains is peace.

This Is What I Do Every Day When I Do The Work

I start with one thought. And I question it and find turnarounds and examples.

And each time I do, I get another taste of this balance. The idea that I was taking for granted becomes mute. And it ceases to have power over me.

I love the way turnarounds balance out my beliefs, and open up my heart.

Have a great weekend,
Todd

“Inquiry is more than a technique: It brings to life, from deep within us, an innate aspect of our being. When practiced for a while, inquiry takes on its own life within you. It appears whenever thoughts appear, as their balance and mate. This internal partnership leaves you clear and free to live as a kind, fluid, fearless, amused listener, a student of yourself, and a friend who can be trusted not to resent, criticize, or hold a grudge. Eventually, realization is experienced automatically, as a way of life. Peace and joy naturally, inevitably, and irreversibly make their way into every corner of your mind, into every relationship and experience. The process is so subtle that you may not even have any conscious awareness of it. You may only know that you used to hurt and now you don’t.” Byron Katie, Loving What Is

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The Work and Decision-Making Are Two Different Things

house

Do you keep a tenant that is not paying rent? It depends on you.

The Work Helps Me Find My Truth

It doesn’t tell me what to do.

Sometimes, the stressful situations that I bring to The Work involve making some kind of decision. I’m confused and don’t know what to do. And I feel stressed, so I bring it to The Work.

Doing The Work helps me take responsibility for my own happiness no matter what situation I find myself in. It helps me question my beliefs and misunderstandings, and often find new options in situations that seem impossible.

But just because I find a turnaround while doing The Work, doesn’t mean that I am obligated to “follow” it. All I’m looking for in doing The Work is my truth. And I can recognize my deepest truth by the way it makes my internal conflict go away.

Here’s An Example

Someone was recently doing The Work on her adult daughter who was living at home with an agreement to pay rent. But she wasn’t paying it. The statement from her Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet was: “She should pay me rent.”

When she got to the turnaround to the opposite, “She should not pay me rent,” she found some examples. But she did not feel peaceful about the turnaround because she still felt strongly that her daughter should pay the rent.

It could be that there were more examples for the turnaround waiting to be found. Or it could be that both the turnaround and the original statement are true.

The Turnaround Is Just One Side of It

The original statement that “she should pay rent” can still make sense—even if there is truth in the turnaround that “she should not pay rent.” In this case, there may be a balance of opposites.

If I hold a turnaround this way, I can often find a deeper truth that encompasses both sides.

For example, the turnaround, “She should not pay me rent,” could be about why it’s understandable that she doesn’t pay rent. It’s a chance to put myself in her shoes. Maybe she’s not making enough money, maybe she doesn’t know how to budget, maybe the agreement was never clear to her, maybe she has resistance to paying something she never had to pay before. All this can give more understanding and compassion for her.

But it doesn’t mean I have to be a doormat because of this newfound compassion. I may still find truth in the idea that she should pay rent. It’s an invitation to expand my mind to see if I can hold both sides.

I Might Agree with the Turnaround

I might see that it is completely her business what she does, and that I can’t control her. But I can also be clear that it’s completely my business what I do.

If I don’t want her living here rent-free then, then it’s a simple conversation about how rent-free doesn’t work for me (it’s not about her at all).

I stay in my business. And she is free to move somewhere else, or to pay rent. It’s her choice. I’m no longer wanting to control her. I’m just honoring my truth, and respecting whatever she does with it.

It’s Only About my Truth

If, on the other hand, my truth is that having her stay is more important to me than having her pay rent, or that I prefer not to charge rent to family members, then I can go the other way with my actions by honoring that truth. It’s completely up to me.

Once I understand the turnaround, “She should not pay me rent,” I am no longer fighting with reality. I get it. I may be easy, or firm, or I may work out some kind of compromise. But in that space, even an eviction can come from a place of love and understanding.

All The Work does is help me step back into my business, and take responsibility for my part, instead of feeling victimized by how the other person should be different than they are. Once I do that, I’m often freer to act according to what feels best to me.

Have a great week,
Todd

P.S. I have decided not to go to the Sahara this October. If you are interested in going, please contact Margot Diskin who will be conducting the course in French in October. Instead, I will be offering The Work 101 online starting Sep 5.

“I’m the only one responsible for my life, my health, my feelings, and my happiness. When my neediness died away, what was left was love.” Byron Katie. I Need Your Love, Is That True?

Internal Living Turnarounds

hood of an old Plymouth car

What’s under the hood is as important as what’s outside.

Living Turnarounds Are Turnarounds That You Live

There are two ways to find examples for turnarounds. With regular turnaround examples I’m looking for why the turnaround is a as true, or truer, than the original statement. With living turnaround examples, I’m looking for how I can live the turnaround.

Both kinds of examples provide balance. Finding why the turnaround is true gives a balance of understanding. Finding an example that you can practically live gives balance through action.

Here’s an Example of a Turnaround

Say you’re working the statement, “I want my dad to be kind and loving to me.” The situation is a phone conversation where your dad is yelling at you.

The turnaround to the other is, “I want me to be kind and loving to him.”

There Are Two Kinds of Examples for this Turnaround

1. Regular Turnaround Examples

I find regular turnaround examples by asking, “How could it be as true, or truer, that I want me to be kind and loving to him?” When I consider this, I find these examples:

  • I feel better when I’m kind to him, even if he’s not being kind to me.
  • Being genuinely kind to him could deescalate the situation.
  • I want to be kind and loving to him because I don’t want to be in an argument with him.
  • And because overall I do love him.

2. Living Turnaround Examples

I find living turnaround examples by asking, “How could I live the turnaround of being kind and loving to him in that moment?” When I consider this, I find these examples:

  • By giving him space to rant.
  • By not countering with defense.
  • By asking him to say more.

These are all ways I could be kind and loving to him through my behavior. This is what we mean by finding living turnarounds: what can I do in that situation to put the turnaround into action?

But There’s Also a Another Way to Find Living Turnarounds

Living a turnaround doesn’t always mean external action. Sometimes the action is completely internal.

I find internal living turnaround examples the same way, by asking, “How could I live the turnaround of being kind and loving to him in that moment?” When I consider how to do this on the internal level, I find these examples:

  • By remembering that he is a human being (subject to anger).
  • By holding him in my heart with love.
  • By considering if there is any truth in what he’s saying.
  • By remembering that I do the same thing sometimes.

All of these actions are internal. I’m not doing anything on the outside that is different. But these internal living turnarounds open my heart and allow me to be more peaceful in the same situation.

And, interestingly, as I hold myself differently inside, quite naturally I tend to do things differently on the outside too. The difference of attitude is often very apparent to the other person.

This is one of my favorite ways to live a turnaround. Spontaneously, my behavior shifts as I see him with more love and kindness. And even if he doesn’t see it, I feel it. And that’s what opens up my heart.

It’s like giving a gift without the other person knowing it.

Have a great week,
Todd

“Ross also likes to play with an exercise that I recommend, which is to do a kind act and not get found out; if you’re found out, the act doesn’t count, and you start over. I have seen him at amusement parks watch children who don’t seem to have enough money. He’ll pull out a bill from his wallet, stoop down in front of the child, pretend to pick it up from the ground, and hand it to him, saying, “You dropped this, dude,” then quickly walk away without ever looking back. He is a fine teacher of how to practice the turnaround through living amends. It’s generous to bring this practice into everyday life. The results are nothing short of miraculous, realized ever more deeply through further inquiry.” Byron Katie, Loving What Is

Are You Being too Thorough in Your Work?

pebbles

I don’t need to pick up every stone to have a full experience of them.

Here’s a Trap I’ve Been Caught In

I tend to be a very thorough person. I usually think of it as a good thing. But sometimes my thoroughness is a hindrance, not a help.

Here’s what it looks like when doing The Work.

Being too Thorough in Identifying Stressful Thoughts to Work

This happens when I spend too much time trying to find “the one” stressful thought underpinning them all. I can end up excavating forever, because there’s always another one just out of reach.

The balance in this case is for me to remember that any stressful thought can be a window into myself. There is no need to find the perfect thought to work. It’s much more valuable to pick any one in the vicinity and start going through the questions of The Work.

The Same Thing Can Happen Writing a Worksheet

Sometimes, I become so thorough in writing a Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet that I have a mile of stressful thoughts lined up to work, and end up losing heart before I even begin to work them.

The solution to this for me is either to be satisfied with writing a little less on my worksheets, or to be satisfied with not working all of the statements that I write on my worksheet. Either way, I end up less intimidated by my “Work load,” and am more likely to complete my work.

Thoroughness Can even Show up when Doing The Work

I can get lost in any of the four questions to the extent that I never reach the turnarounds. This tends to happen most often in question 3 because there are several sub-questions there.

The temptation is to answer all of the sub-questions every time. Or to go into an overly analytic description of how I react in every detail. When I do this, I often lose the clear comparison of my answers in question 3 with my answers in question 4. And I can run out of time for the turnarounds.

This Is Fine as Long as I Pick up where I Left off Next Time

But if my work consists of mainly answering question 3, then it’s not the full balance of doing The Work.

The Work is identifying stressful thoughts, questioning them with all four questions, and then applying the turnarounds and finding examples for the turnarounds.

I Can Even Be too Thorough in the Turnarounds

This can look like straining to try to find three examples, instead giving it some time, looking for what I can find, and moving on if I don’t find more examples.

It’s all a balance. Too little thoroughness and I miss The Work. But too much thoroughness and I can also miss The Work.

Have a great week,
Todd

“Just notice when things are out of balance. You don’t have to figure it out. There’s a built-in signal that will always let you know: it’s called stress.” Byron Katie, A Thousand Names for Joy

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