When I play pickleball, I love to learn technique. It helps a lot. But I also find that it’s important to forget technique once I’ve learned it and play by feel.
We were all trained in school to do what the teacher said to do, to follow the directions, and adjust our “wrong” ways of doing things to do it right. That training runs deep. And in many ways, it serves us well. We can learn from the experience of others to move more quickly at developing any skill.
And this is true when learning The Work of Byron Katie (4 Questions and Turnarounds) too. A lot of what I share in The Work 101 course is directions for how to go a little deeper in your work based on my own experience doing it for years.
For example, I have some instructions in The Work 101 for getting closer to what is really bothering you when writing a Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet. Some of those instructions are a little technical. And while they’re good, it’s also good to remember what is most important.
What is the purpose of doing The Work?
For me, The Work is a way to get more in touch with myself. I start by getting in touch with my stressful feelings, and I listen to my stressful thoughts. Then I ask myself if there could be other ways of seeing the same situation.
This process is a very personal one. I can’t technique it. I have to actually listen to my feelings and let them be the most important thing. So when I’m writing a Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet, I may keep some guidelines in mind, but the main thing I’m doing is giving permission for my mind to rant and rave.
You don’t have to rant and rave properly. ANY way you rant and rave is great! Just get it out. Let it be seen. Explode, be petty, be cranky, ignore all the rules. I don’t care if every line on your worksheet is exactly the same. Just say what you need to say. Say the truth of how you feel.
If I try to write a “perfect” Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet, I miss the whole point. The point of writing a worksheet is to give the microphone to the angry, crazy, stuck part of me and let it blurt everything out. This is not an essay contest. And you don’t get freer quicker by doing it perfectly.
The number one technique is that there is no technique. Just be immature and let it fly. Those are great worksheets. Once you start to trust this, then there may be nuances worth exploring by following the more technical directions that I offer. But no matter what, you can always come back to the simple practice of writing your raw, uncensored thoughts on paper.
If you like to do things well, you may think that mastering the techniques is the most important thing. But I’d say, getting the feel of it is more important. Feelings don’t lie. If you pay attention to them, they’ll tell you if you’re getting too intellectual or rule-based in doing your work.
If this is the case, turn it around and hold more loosely the guidelines for filling in a Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet, or for answering questions 1-4, or for finding turnarounds and examples.
The work is not 40 questions. It is four questions plus turnarounds and examples. The mind loves to make it more complicated. But don’t forget the simple basic structure. That is all you ever need to know. You can keep coming back to that again and again.
If you want to do a lot of work in a short amount of time, a weekend virtual retreat is a great way to go. We offer sessions around the clock for 48 hours: a 2-hour session then 1-hour break, a 2-hour session then 1-hour break, all day and night. Come to the sessions that work in your time zone.
The other advantage of working this way is that you can bring up questions and doubts about your work as they come up and get support right away. I hope to see you in June.
Have a great week,
Todd
“Self-realization is the sweetest thing. It shows us how we’re fully responsible for ourselves, and that is where we find our freedom. Rather than being other-realized, you can be self-realized. Instead of looking to us for your fulfillment, you can find it in yourself.” Byron Katie, A Thousand Names for Joy
Further reading: You Have to Do it Right, Is It True?
We are not meant to live stressed lives. Learn how to address the root cause of your stress and find your freedom again. Otherwise, stress will keep accumulating. Learn how to break the cycle of stress here.
