Not Owning My Part Is Stressful
This came up so elegantly in last week’s Open Session. The person doing The Work made it clear for all of us that owning her part led to peace. She saw herself being punished for an innocent action that she had done earlier, and her mind cried out “Not fair!”
The mind not only attacked those accusing her, but also those who advised her to do the action in the first place. And in the same stroke the mind also attacked her for doing it, thinking “I should have known better.”
In All this Attack there Was No Peace
By going through the four questions and turnarounds of The Work, she saw clearly how her mind got wrapped up in everyone else’s business when she was not owning her part. And as soon as she did own her part, she experienced peace.
This is how The Work works. I start by blaming others, or myself, and end up finding that there is no one to blame.
Whatever happened simply happened. That’s all. That’s where my mind can rest.
Owning It Is Different than Beating Myself Up
Owning my part means accepting responsibility for my actions. But it also requires that I don’t attack myself for what I did. Self-attack is not the same as owning it. One is violent, the other is peaceful.
When I attack myself, I get to look like I’m owning it but I’m really still not owning it. I’m just blaming myself and staying separate from myself in the process. True ownership happens when I fully join myself and embrace both the fact that I did it and the fact that there was a certain innocence in my doing it.
When I can hold both my “guilt” and my “innocence,” then I am truly owning my part. And my heart can relax. I have nothing to hide, even from myself. And all attacking stops. There is no need to attack others or myself when I’m able to see it this way.
Join us for an Open Session
Every week, we get together on video conference to do The Work and consider questions about The Work. During these half-hour, free sessions, I am available to facilitate anyone who shows up. I’d love to have you join us some time.
Also, if you can’t make the time of a meeting, you can still sign up for that meeting in advance and you’ll get the audio recording emailed to you afterwards.
Learn more about Open Sessions here.
Have a great week,
Todd
“Do The Work until you see your part in it.” Byron Katie, Loving What Is
