Going Deeper in Question 4
Question 4 of The Work of Byron Katie is a powerful question. The question is, “Who would you be without that thought?” In The Work of Bryon Katie, we are questioning thoughts, beliefs, or stories. You start by picking one thought, usually a stressful thought and questioning if it’s true or not, and reporting how you react when you believe it (questions 1-3).
Question 4 is a chance to explore new territory. Who would you be without that thought (in the same situation where you were believing it)? Answering this question can open up new worlds. But it can also be challenging at times.
Here Are Some Tips for Going Deeper in Question 4
1. Go back to the situation where you were believing the thought. Just like when you answer question 3 (how do you react?), go back and walk around in the situation again. Be there and go through every experience again mentally, but with without the thought this time. The more specific and thorough you are, experiencing every aspect of the situation again without the thought, the more you will get from question 4.
2. Pretend. The biggest obstacle to going deeper in question 4 is the belief that you have to get rid of the thought. This is not true! You don’t ever have to get rid of your belief when doing The Work. You are just experiencing the effect of it (question 3) and imagining what it would be like without it (question 4).
Many people think, “I can’t be without it because I believe it.” But you don’t have to stop believing a thought to pretend who you would be if you didn’t believe it. Take the liberty. Explore. Who would you be without that thought? The thought may be perfectly true. You don’t have to stop believing it ever! Just who would you be without it? Be a kid. Pretend. Just because I can’t fly, doesn’t mean I can’t pretend that I can fly over my house and experience it from the air.
3. Use the subquestions from question 3 again in question 4. Ask yourself what emotions or physical sensations do you experience without the thought, how do you treat the other person, how do you treat yourself, is there any difference without the thought?
4. Take your time. Maybe take ten minutes to really explore who you would be in the stressful moment without the thought. Look at the other person. What do you see when you look at them without your story? Maybe even sit in question 4 for a whole day, thinking about it from time to time throughout your day. It is a meditation.
Have a great week,
Todd
“Picture yourself standing in the presence of the person you have written about when they aren’t doing what you think they should be doing, or when they’re doing what you think they shouldn’t be doing. Now, just for a minute or two, close your eyes, take a deep breath, and imagine who you would be if you couldn’t think this thought. How would your life be different in the same situation without this thought? Keep your eyes closed and watch them without your story. What do you see? How do you feel about them without the story? Which do you prefer—with or without your story? Which feels kinder? Which feels more peaceful?” Byron Katie, Loving What Is
