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I Don’t Want to Be a Responsible Adult Anymore, and Other Stories

children playing
There’s a part of me that still doesn’t want to be an adult.

Last Week I Was Feeling Down

I don’t know if it was just fatigue coming out after our move, or something else, but I just didn’t care about anything. It was a heavy, depressing kind of feeling. I wanted to quit everything and go live in a cave somewhere.

Luckily, stressful thoughts are allowed in my world. So I went to my Inquiry Circle group and posted my stressful thoughts in raw form. No Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet. No thought of where it would lead me. Just reporting what I was feeling:

I am sad because I can’t do what I want.
I don’t want to be a responsible adult anymore.
I want to take as much time off as I need without limit.
I want to be free to do nothing.
I want to feel buoyant and happy again.

That day I didn’t even question these thoughts. I just wrote them down. I just needed to get them out. The next day, I started questioning them beginning with, “I can’t do what I want (take an unlimited break).”

As i did my work, I found some cool things like how it doesn’t have to be all or nothing—just working a little less can make a big difference. How I can always just “call in” sick (novel concept for me who never does that)—I could always take another week off if necessary. I also started to see again that I do love my job, and that it’s all about balance.

Then I Questioned the Next Thought

I worked the first thought in my personal work space on the Inquiry Circle forum in written form. I love written work because it allows me to slow down and really look at what I’m saying.

But I questioned the next thought with my spoken work partner this week from Inquiry Circle. This is such a nice balance to the written work because I’m not being as careful as when I’m writing The Work. There was a lot of laughter, and I loved the human connection.

In this inquiry, I questioned, “I don’t want to be a responsible adult anymore.” I felt a part of me was finally being heard as I did this work. My answers to questions 1 and 2 (is it true?) were a resounding YES!

I Got to Report All the Ways I React

I was passionate as I described my frustration and how the thought affected my body, my emotions, my ability to work, everything. I laughed with my spoken work partner as I described my fantasy of living in a cave, getting away from all responsibility (but somehow having someone come bring food for me every day). That’s a true fantasy of mine, but it became hilarious as I exposed it to the daylight.

When I exhausted my report on how I react when I think I don’t want to be a responsible adult anymore, I tried on the question, “Who would I be without that thought?”

It was hard to try on at first. The thought was taking up a good 60% of me at the time. I had to literally imagine myself stepping out of that 60% but, when I did, I found that my life was simple. Just one little task to do at a time. All doable. And I was in control of how much I wanted to actually do or not.

But The Coolest Insight Came from a Turnaround

The turnaround was, “I want to be a responsible adult,” the very opposite of my original stressful thought. What I found as I tried on this turnaround is that being a responsible adult is how I give to others. And giving to others feels good to me. That is the magnet that draws me away from my cave fantasy and into the world of working in service. Being a responsible adult is actually a way for me to open my heart.

It was so sweet to find it. Not intellectually, but in my heart instead.

That is the value for me of doing The Work on what’s really up for me, because then it’s really connected to my heart. When I take myself through this meditation, my heart itself transforms. This is not an intellectual exercise. I felt a thousand pounds lighter after just 40 minutes of doing The Work.

If you want to join in our Inquiry Circle group, the first step is to complete The Work 101 online course.

Have a great week,
Todd

“When you first encounter them, these questions may seem merely intellectual. The only way to really understand how they function is to use them yourself. Byron Katie, A Mind at Home with Itself

Todd Smith has been doing The Work of Byron Katie on an almost daily basis since 2007. He is just as excited about this simple process of self-inquiry today as he was when he first came across it. He also enjoys writing about The Work, and training others in the subtleties of this meditative process. Join Todd for The Work 101 online course, private sessions, virtual retreats, and his ongoing Inquiry Circle group.