My Step-Dad Died on Saturday
He was not only family, but a dear friend as well. And I will miss him a lot.
We flew across the country to be with him the last day that he lived. He couldn’t speak or open his eyes, and I don’t know how much he could hear or understand. But to simply hold his hand and touch the top of his head or his shoulder was all the communication that was necessary.
Love is love, no matter how it is expressed.
He Had Been in Pain for a While
Emotional pain after he lost my mom and his son in a plane crash in 2010. And physical pain when back surgery did not go well some years back.
And there was just the discomfort of getting old. His eyesight was very poor (legally blind the last few years) and he needed support in many ways as his body was failing.
He didn’t complain much but I know it wasn’t easy for him.
And His Last Day Didn’t Look Easy Either
Who knows what it’s like to be in the state he was in having suffered a stroke a few days earlier. But when he passed, I could see the goodness in it. The peace of it. The end of pain for him.
And I was reminded of a turnaround that Byron Katie found for herself that she sometimes shares. She says something like, “What I love about pain is that it’s always on the way out.”
I Didn’t Used to Get that Turnaround
After all it was her turnaround, not mine. Other people’s turnarounds are not always helpful. But I’ve kept it in the background over the years and I’ve occasionally reconsidered it.
Recently, it’s been landing for me in my own words, “Pain doesn’t go on forever.” It’s the same idea for me as “pain is always on the way out,” but it’s coming from my own experience with my own words now.
Now it is becoming my own turnaround, no longer Byron Katie’s words.
This Turnaround Makes me more Patient with Discomfort
Whether it’s physical pain, emotional pain, or any kind of discomfort, I am seeing more and more that it is temporary. It comes for a while, but it doesn’t stay forever.
Just seeing it that way makes me feel like I can handle pain and discomfort much better.
Have a great week,
Todd
“All suffering is mental. It has nothing to do with the body or with a person’s circumstances. You can be in great pain without any suffering at all. How do you know you’re supposed to be in pain? Because that’s what’s happening. To live without a stressful story, to be a lover of what is, even in pain—that’s heaven. To be in pain and believe that you shouldn’t be in pain—that’s hell.” Byron Katie, A Thousand Names for Joy
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