Many New Year’s Resolutions Fall Away Before Momentum Is Gained
You’ve probably watched it happen many times. You start with a great plan for the new year, and it gets derailed before the end of January. Sometimes even before the end of the first week in January.
In fact, I find this kind of derailment so common that I rarely make new year’s resolutions anymore. I used to make resolutions because I thought I was supposed to. But that “supposed to” is exactly what stopped me from following through.
I was pushing myself instead of allowing my natural interests to guide me. I was stepping out of my integrity to follow what I thought I should do instead of listening to my truth.
Whenever I Push Myself I Resist
And my resistance may actually be my integrity speaking.
Maybe a part of me wants to move forward with a resolution, but another part of me actually does not.
And maybe in making my resolution, I never stopped to ask myself if that’s what I really wanted to do. Maybe I was trying to hit some lofty goal but was not fully on board about it. Or maybe I was bowing to peer pressure to do something I didn’t really want to do. Or maybe I just borrowed someone else’s goal.
In any case, I soon hit resistance. Just like a teenager resisting his or her parents. I subtly tell myself, “You’re not the boss of me!” And the new year’s resolution soon drops away.
It’s Not a Bad Thing
I like it when integrity wins. Because sometimes it doesn’t.
Sometimes I use force to overrule the resisting teenager in me and I push myself all year to do what I don’t really want to do. That makes for a very stressful, frustrating year.
Alternatively, when I find that a goal is genuine for me, I am usually enthusiastic about it long term, and I am willing to overcome the hurdles to establishing a habit.
So how do you find this integrity?
Is There a Way to do The Work on This?
Yes. It’s quite simple, though it takes a little courage to do.
There are two main stressful thoughts which hold the stress of goals for me. And each can be questioned.
1. I should do this.
2. I want/need the outcome.
You Can Change the Sentences Above to Fit your own Situation
For example, if my new year’s resolution is to do The Work on a more regular basis this year, I could question these two thoughts:
1. I should do The Work every day.
2. I want to feel more peaceful.
Then, I can question each one by asking the four questions and turnarounds of The Work.
This is Radical Work
Because it gets me to question the motives behind the new year’s resolution. And when I find that it is not true that I should do The Work every day, and that I’ll be fine even without feeling more peaceful than I am now, I am free to do my new year’s resolution or not. I’m no longer pushing myself.
And when I stop pushing, I often find that I’m naturally drawn to do my new year’s resolution without pressure or guilt. And if it turns out that I am not drawn to do it, then I know that it was not really a good new year’s resolution for me after all.
I love the freedom in this approach.
Have a great week,
Todd
“The belief “I have to work” has never been true; it’s the lie you hold on to so that you can keep yourself from the joy of the gift that you give. No one has to work. No one has ever had to” Byron Katie, Question Your Thinking, Change the World
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