All or Nothing Thinking
I Spent the First Part of my Life with my Head in the Clouds
I put my highest priorities first. And that was not a bad thing at all. My life was all about meditation, yoga, enlightenment. And nothing about money, career, friends, family.
What I liked about my life back then was that it was very authentic. I made no compromise on my values. What didn’t work for me was that I remained dependent on others to take care of me. My head was too much in the clouds for me. And eventually I fell hard to earth.
Over the last 14 years, I’ve turned my thinking around and now my feet are very solidly on the ground. I’m responsible with clients, money, family. I’m almost hyper-responsible about everything.
If something needs to be done, I do it even at the cost of my meditation or yoga. And my ship sails smoothly in the world. But what doesn’t work for me is that it also doesn’t feel like balance. Too much doing, not enough being.
My Break Last Month Reminded Me of my Youthful Idealism
While I was traveling, I wasn’t hyper-responsible. I let day-to-day management of my business slide. I didn’t keep up with correspondence. It was like a vacation.
And coming home, I wanted to keep that balance of life. I made meditation and yoga a priority again. I made not-working in the evening a priority again.
And I felt great. I thought, “Finally, I can get back to my younger, more inward life even while running my business.”
I Thought I Had Found Balance
I thought I had managed the elusive “feet on the ground, but head in the clouds” ideal.
But alas, it was not my time.
I was premature. I was, once again, ahead of my own evolution. As I was enjoying my balanced daily routine, I noticed a growing feeling of anxiety because I was getting up to a week behind in my emails. And behind in my Inquiry Circle practice. And in my duties with The Work 101. And in my bookkeeping. It was all accumulating. And finally I realized that it was out of control.
It Turns Out that my Head Was Back in the Clouds
And my feet had left earth again. So I’ve got more work to do. I’m still looking for a way to find a balance. I’m looking for that middle ground which is neither all in nor all out.
My next worksheet is on my business being out of control. I already get glimpses of where my inquiry is heading. It’s probably going to mean cutting some programs that I offer, or finding some assistance. And I have resistance thoughts to both of these ideas.
But reality is hard and unyielding. There are only 24 hours in a day. I simply have to make some priority choices. And that will require questioning my attachments.
Have a great week,
“You’re the one calling the shots on what is a mistake in your business and what isn’t.” Byron Katie, Question Your Thinking, Change the World
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