Sometimes the Mind Misses the Point of Finding Balance
When doing a turnaround, it’s easy to flip from attacking “them” to attacking me. This is not the purpose of turnarounds. But sometimes it’s hard to avoid. The mind has a habit of self-attacking.
The key is to keep noticing. If the turnaround is starting to bring me additional stress, then I know I’ve taken it the wrong way, or taken it too far, or have tripped across an underlying belief that needs questioning.
The Purpose of Turnarounds Is to Balance The Original Thought – Kind of Like Neutralizing It
The experience is a feeling of peace when I hold the original thought and the turnaround together. I think of it like a balance scale. When I put an equal weight on both sides, it floats.
But if I take a turnaround too far, it causes imbalance in the opposite direction. My emotions tell me if I do this. And if I notice it, then I back off of the turnaround a bit.
Sometimes a Turnaround May Require a Loose Hold
If I am believing the original thought, “They’ll think I’m pathetic if I don’t get this job,” I’m making my happiness dependent on them, and I feel the stress of doing that. It’s stressful to believe I’m at someone else’s mercy. I’m powerless to control them. So I feel fear.
When I get to the turnaround to the self, “I’ll think I’m pathetic if I don’t get this job,” at first it seems like an invitation for self-attack.
If I hold this turnaround too tightly, it feels like additional stress. But if I hold the turnaround lightly, I can see that the main point of this turnaround is actually showing me a way out of the stress. It’s pointing to the fact that I am more in control of my stress than I think. My stress is not coming from them, it is coming from my thinking, which is an area I can work with. This is good news.
So The Next Step Is to Look at My Thinking
What am I thinking or believing that is making this turnaround so stressful for me? I’m believing that “I am pathetic if I don’t get this job.”
So I question that. That’s an underlying belief that is holding all this up.
In this case, the turnaround points to a deeper belief to question. The main issue is not that they, or I, will think I’m pathetic if I don’t get this job. It’s that I believe that I am pathetic if I don’t get this job.
So I question the core issue: “I am pathetic if I don’t get this job, is it true?” and see where it goes. Always using my feelings to let me know if I’m moving towards peace or more deeply into stress with each turnaround. Peace is the only aim of The Work.
Have a great weekend,
Todd
“When practiced for a while, inquiry takes on its own life within you. It appears whenever thoughts appear, as their balance and mate.” Byron Katie, Loving What Is
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