Medicine is always specific to each patient. Do you think yours is not really for you?
I Trust The Work For A Reason
Because I believe in balance.
I always come to The Work with a one-sided point of view. That’s just the nature of any point of view: it’s one-sided. That’s why it feels stressful.
When I question it, I start to see other points of view. That’s what The Work is all about. Exploring all points of view to find a more balanced perspective.
And That Means Sometimes Turnarounds Can Seem Off
For example, let’s say you’ve written a worksheet on someone you’re jealous of. Your line 1 looks like this, “I’m jealous of her because she is better than me.” You’re questioning the “she’s better than me” part.
When you get to the turnaround, “I’m better than her,” you freeze. And think, “This can’t be right. This turnaround is just going to bolster my ego.” And you opt out of taking your turnaround medicine.
But Where Did This Medicine Come From?
The turnarounds that you find when doing your work are not general tonics to be handed out to everyone. If you hand the turnaround “I’m better than her” to a egomaniac, it’s not going to create balance. It’s doing to create a monster.
But this turnaround is not for another person. It has been custom made for you after taking a precise diagnosis.
What’s the diagnosis? You believed that “she was better than you.” That’s not egomania, that’s the opposite. That’s low self esteem. So your custom-made turnaround “I’m better than her” is actually your medicine. Because it creates balance.
Now If You Take It Too Far, Your Stress Will Alert You Once Again
Taking the turnaround “I am better than her” too far means you start looking down on her instead of feeling less than by her. And this feels off too.
Luckily, you will feel stress as soon as you do this. Stress just means you’ve gone too far. You’ve taken too much of your turnaround medicine and have created a new imbalance. Stress lets you know.
If that happens, it’s time to do The Work again, this time questioning, “I’m better than her,” which leads to the turnaround, “I’m not better than her.” Back to balance.
It’s A Razor’s Edge
A turnaround for me is a way to balance the original statement, not necessarily to obliterate it.
Peace only comes when I hold both “she is better than me” and “I am better than her” at the same time. Or play with different turnarounds like, “We are equal in this regard” or “We can’t really be compared in this regard.”
Have a great week,
Todd
“Inquiry is more than a technique: It brings to life, from deep within us, an innate aspect of our being. When practiced for a while, inquiry takes on its own life within you. It appears whenever thoughts appear, as their balance and mate. This internal partnership leaves you clear and free to live as a kind, fluid, fearless, amused listener, a student of yourself, and a friend who can be trusted not to resent, criticize, or hold a grudge.” Byron Katie, Loving What Is
