If someone stops hanging out with you, it can be stressful.
One of the benefits of facilitating others is that I get ideas of things I could work on myself.
This particular worksheet stood out for me as something I could identify with.
Here’s the worksheet, published with my friend’s permission.
The situation in my client’s words:
“Saturday evening at a sushi restaurant with my husband and son, Jamie. We are eating sushi. I suddenly feel sad as I see Jamie eating. He will be going to college in less than three weeks. I see how independent he has become. I feel everything I say is to get Jamie’s love, and I feel uncomfortable.”
Line 1: I am saddened by Jamie because I am not front and center for him anymore.
Line 2: I want him to: be interested in me, to look at me with adoring eyes, to love me like he did when he was little, to appear engaged in our gathering in that moment, to show he loves me.
Line 3: He should remember how close we were when he was younger, remember all that I did for him, see how hard his growing up is for me,
Line 4: I need him to realize how I feel, to show concern, to make an effort to see me through it,
Line 5: Jamie is unloving, uninterested, too independent, distanced, absent, excluding,
Line 6: I don’t ever want to feel separated from Jamie again.
I don’t ever want Jamie to ignore me again.
“I am saddened by Jamie because I am not front and center for him anymore.”
The wording describes perfectly my own experience with my little sister who, years ago, used to follow me around like a puppy dog. I was saddened when she grew up and got a life of her own.
I will take the same Line 1 here and use it in my own situation.
Is there a specific time and place where this thought got triggered for you? If so, you’re welcome to borrow my friend’s line 1 for your own, and write your own worksheet based on this idea.
In fact, I bet if I tried, I could find a situation in any relationship where this worksheet idea could be applied.
Wanting to be front and center for anyone can be a big source of stress if they’re not cooperating.
“Love is wonderful—except when we are searching for it, trying to hold on to it, or missing it.” Byron Katie, I Need Your Love, Is That True?
We are not meant to live stressed lives. Learn how to address the root cause of your stress and find your freedom again. Otherwise, stress will keep accumulating. Learn how to break the cycle of stress here.
