Only Your Truth Can Set You Free
I Got an Email from Someone Recently
She writes, “I was wondering if you could touch on this topic in one of your newsletters. It has to do with something Katie regularly talks about in terms of grieving the loss of a loved one.
“What jumps out in my head is her saying ‘They’re just in the other room’. I don’t get this and I’ve wrapped my head around the concept but that’s as far as it goes. Then I feel angry and stuck. They aren’t just in the next room, if they were I’d go in there and give them a hug.
“Then my mind makes this whole story about Katie’s work being very ‘est’ like, the denial of feelings etc.
“I know you understand about loss because you lost your mother. My best friend died xmas 2013. He isn’t in the next room ya know and I cant talk to him and hear him respond or hug him, walk along the boardwalk with him, lay with him and talk, enjoy coffee with him. I’m not going to pretend that he’s alive just because I can imagine him….I can imagine rainbow coloured unicorns but they aren’t standing beside me.
“So is this something you could do a newsletter on? I hope so, it’s been a real block for me supporting and utilizing Katie’s work.”
This Is a Really Important Thing to Understand
When Katie shares her examples for the turnaround, “He is not dead,” those examples are coming from her experience. She found something that really worked for her. Something that shifted her perspective about the death of a loved one.
But just because her example works for her, doesn’t mean it’s going to work for you. I’ve thought about this example too, of comparing someone being dead to the same person being away, or in the next room.
When I’m really present, I can get a flavor of what she means. I can feel a little bit of peace in that. It brings me back to myself, noticing how even when they were alive, they weren’t around all the time.
But It’s Just a Flavor for Me
That example still feels mainly like Byron Katie’s example, not my own.
Where I found peace with my mother’s death was in finding examples of how natural it is to die, even in an accident. I found examples from nature of how some trees live to be very old. While others get broken in storms at a young age.
For me, this shifted my perspective from “this wasn’t supposed to happen,” to “this is a very natural thing to happen.”
Also, What Shifted Me from Grief to Peace Was Noticing My Part
When I was grieving my mom’s death, some of my turnarounds pointed out that I was the one causing myself to suffer. I noticed that every time I went into nostalgia about my mom, I cried, or was sad.
I became aware of cause and effect. I saw how I was causing my own sadness. Just that awareness popped me out of my grief. Suddenly I had a choice. Go into nostalgia and suffer, or don’t go into nostalgia and be fine. That really worked for me.
So I Didn’t Use the “She’s Just In The Other Room” Idea
I could see how it could be a good example for Katie. But honestly, it wasn’t that good of an example for me. I had to find my own way.
And that’s precisely what I like about The Work. It is all about finding your own way. Katie can share her experience, but it is no substitute for you finding your own truth. Only your own truth can set you free.
The Work is not about pretending, or plugging the “right answer” into a formula to get the “right result.” No. The Work is about asking the questions and finding your own answers.
Anything else is denial.
Have a great weekend,
“There are no right or wrong answers to these questions. You are listening for your answers now, not other people’s, and not anything you have been taught.” Byron Katie, Loving What Is.
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