Our Shower’s Not That Dirty
But by doing my work on cleaning our shower, I’m finding that there is layer upon layer of my own stressful thinking to peel away.
You may remember the first time I brought up this topic in an article from May 25, 2015 entitled, “Who Would You Be If You Weren’t Keeping Score?”
It’s the most trivial little point of stress for me regarding who’s turn it is to clean the shower (we wipe it down every day). In May, I discovered that I would be much more peaceful if I wasn’t keeping score.
That helped a lot. But I found out last week that my work wasn’t done.
There Was Another Layer of My Thinking to Peel Away
In May, my work focused on keeping score. It was the competition element of the situation, the fairness element, that triggered me. Just asking myself “Who would you be if you weren’t keeping score?” helped me step away from the power struggle.
But when I experienced a small trigger again over who’s turn it was to clean the shower ten days ago, I wanted to know what other layers of stressful thinking were left.
So I Wrote a New Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet
One of the stressful thoughts I wrote on that worksheet was, “I want him to agree to a system and stick to it.”
This was a subtler element of the situation for me. It was not just about being fair and keeping score. It was about him messing with my system. In other words, I wanted to set up a system and never have to think about it again.
I Love Where The Work Took Me This Time
The turnaround for the statement, “I want him to agree to a system and stick to it,” was “I want me to agree to a system and stick to it.”
At first this seemed to go nowhere: that’s what I had been trying to do… stick to a system. And my partner had been messing with it.
But I found satisfaction when I realized that I can agree to a new system: that there is no system. This immediately shifted my perception. Now I could have the stability of a “system” without requiring him to be consistent in any way.
The Experience Was Freedom
Since then I’ve been rolling with the punches beautifully.
Sometimes we wipe down the shower in sync with whoever’s turn it is to cook. Sometimes we don’t. Sometimes I sleep-in and miss a few days in a row. Sometimes I do the shower for several days in a row. Sometimes it’s the last person to shower who cleans it. Sometimes it’s not.
It’s all good with me now that I found my prescription for happiness: agreeing to a new system (that there is no system) and sticking with it. It feels great now. And I look forward to discovering any new stressful layers of my shower thinking in the future.
This is my favorite thing about doing The Work consistently. I peel layer after layer of stressful thinking away.
Want to do The Work consistently? Join us for The Work 101 before becoming a member of the Inquiry Circle forum.
Have a great weekend,
Todd
“People who have been in The Work for a while get pettier and pettier on their Worksheets, as they try to find the sticking-points that are left. Beliefs just get more subtle, more invisible, as problems dissolve. They’re just the last little children calling out, “Yoo-hoo! Here I am! Come and find me!” The more you do The Work, the more uncensored you become and the pettier you like to get, because it becomes hard to find something that will upset you. Eventually, you can’t find a problem. That’s an experience I hear from thousands of people.” Byron Katie, Loving What Is.
