There Are Two Ways To Be Happy
One way is to act effectively so that you get what you want. This is the normal way that most of us use to seek happiness. You want to accomplish something, you set your mind to it, figure out how to do it, and with some luck you accomplish it. Then you enjoy the happiness that comes with achievement.
But there’s another way to experience happiness. Instead of getting what you want, you can want what you have. This is contentment.
It sounds simple, but it’s a profound idea when you play with it.
Getting What You Want Depends on Many Factors
But wanting what you have depends only on your thinking.
If your mind is open enough to find the advantages of what you already have, then you can be happy even when you haven’t yet gotten what you want.
This is the best of both worlds. It leaves you free to pursue your desires without a need to accomplish any of them. Zero pressure. Zero stress.
So How Do You “Want What You Have”?
There are many ways to do this. Every spiritual tradition has its ways. Off the top of my head, meditation, service, devotion, self-study come to mind. And there could be many flavors of these as well as many other ways to culture contentment.
One of my favorite ways is The Work of Byron Katie.
When you do The Work, you simply question all your wants and needs. “I want to have a new car, is that true?” “I need to find a boyfriend or girlfriend, is that true?”
By questioning what you want, you open the door to finding the other side of the story: that maybe what you want is not exactly what you want or need. Or that what you have could be as valuable, if not more so, than getting what you wanted.
By going through the four questions and turnarounds of The Work, and finding examples of how the turnarounds could be as true, you give a chance for the mind to open, and to find contentment even when your big desires haven’t been fulfilled.
It Takes the Pressure Off
When I see the other side, then I’m more content. Then I don’t need to get what I want in order to be happy. I’m already happy. Happy with what is. I’m busy finding all the hidden goodness in it the way it is.
And ironically, when I’m content, I’m much more effective at actually fulfilling my desires. I work best when I’m not pressured. I invite you to try it out. Try questioning something that you really want. And see if you can find the balance.
If you want to go deep into questioning what you want, I invite you to spend a Phone-Free Weekend with me.
Have a great week,
Todd
“We are really alive when we live in nonbelief–open, waiting, trusting, and loving to do what appears in front of us now.” — Byron Katie, Question Your Thinking, Change The World, p 200.
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