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The Third Annual Address Book Challenge

Your address book is probably filled with frozen life.

Are You Ready to Unfreeze Things a Bit?

It’s time for the third annual Address Book Challenge.

Take out your address book and have a look. You’ll probably find a rather complete list of relatives, including both immediate and extended family.

You’ll probably find all your friends there too. And all your work contacts. And the people you used to be friends with, and used to work with (if you haven’t deleted them already – and even if you have, you know who they are).

So Many Variations of Relationship

There are the people who wanted to stay in touch, and whom you might have felt a little guilty deleting. Or the ones you said you’d get back to, and never did. You’ll find them there in your address book.

And then there are the people who left you hanging in some way. Or the ones you wanted something from but never got the courage to ask.

There may be some old schoolmates in the list, and old clients too. Not to mention the multitude of businesses that you interact with in your life.

Your Address Book Is an Index of Your Relationships

And as such, it is a gold mine if you want to do self-inquiry. Because relationships are excellent mirrors for seeing yourself more clearly.

Each relationship holds a story, or a bunch of stories. And each story shows you your mind.

The Address Book Challenge is an invitation to scan your address book, and notice your emotions as you do. As your eyes pass over the various names there, you’ll notice your built-in stress meter giving you its feedback.

If You Notice Any Stress, Stop

You’ve just found a potential entry point for self-inquiry.

If you feel the slightest fear, guilt, sadness, or even distance associated with a name in your book, start noticing the thoughts and pictures in your mind. Notice the past situations associated with that name. Get specific.

What was the interaction, or interactions, that caused you stress? Start taking notes.

Pick one specific moment from the past where you were angry, upset, saddened, disappointed, confused, etc. with that person. And write a new Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet from that moment.

This Worksheet Will Give You a Snapshot of Your Mind

It will not show you the brilliant, enlightened parts of your mind. But rather, the parts of your mind where you are still confused and can benefit from a little self-inquiry.

This is the place to apply the four questions and turnarounds of The Work. It is an opportunity to look at any uncomfortable relationships and make peace with them, for your own sake.

It may look like you’re thawing out your address book, but really you’re thawing out your heart.

Happy New Year!
May your new year be filled with happiness and peace.

Todd

“I encourage you to write about someone whom you haven’t yet totally forgiven. This is the most powerful place to begin. Even if you’ve forgiven that person 99 percent, you aren’t free until your forgiveness is complete. The 1 percent you haven’t forgiven them is the very place where you’re stuck in all your other relationships (including the relationship with yourself).” — Byron Katie, Loving What Is, p. 12.

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Todd Smith has been doing The Work of Byron Katie on an almost daily basis since 2007. He is just as excited about this simple process of self-inquiry today as he was when he first came across it. He also enjoys writing about The Work, and training others in the subtleties of this meditative process. Join Todd for The Work 101 online course, private sessions, virtual retreats, and his ongoing Inquiry Circle group.