Inferiority Complexes Are Funny Things
Doing The Work with a client a few weeks ago, we made an interesting discovery about inferiority complexes.
We were working the concept, “She doesn’t like me,” in an awkward social situation. My client wanted to connect with this person that she admired but didn’t know well. Instead, she felt very self-conscious, and excluded.
The inferiority complex in that situation was a reaction to what she was believing.
And It Became Clear Why
Admiring someone feels good. No stress there. But wanting something from them is stressful.
By wanting the woman to like her and engage in conversation with her, she put herself in a more needy, dependent space. And naturally she stopped respecting herself. She couldn’t respect herself when she was wanting, or needing, or feeling desperate.
So the natural result was an inferiority complex. She felt less than. Not because she was “less than” in any real way. But because she was acting in a “less than” kind of way internally by wanting attention so badly.
So an Inferiority Complex Is a Temple Bell
Whenever you feel an inferiority complex coming on, it’s a sign that you’re wanting something. You’ve stepped out of contentment, and into some flavor of desperation.
It’s a temple bell calling you to come back to self-inquiry. It’s an invitation to write down what you’re wanting, and question if it’s really true that you want it, or need it. When my client questioned, “I want her to be interested in me,” and turned it around, and found examples of the turnarounds, the desperate feeling shifted.
So when you feel an inferiority complex in any situation, it’s just an opportunity to notice what you’re wanting and to do The Work on it.
Have a great week,
Todd
“What do you want from him?” — Byron Katie, Loving What Is.
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