It’s Easy to Identify With What You Create
I used to be a photographer. In fact, I created the photograph on this page. Whenever I create a beautiful photograph, my mind tells me that I can be proud.
It tells me, “See, you are somebody! You did something great.” I get to feel good about myself when I create something great.
But if I create something less than perfect, then my mind tells me, “You’re a failure.”
And, If I Believe it, I Ride an Emotional Roller Coaster
I put pressure on myself to perform well. To only create great things. To never create anything that is less than perfect. My sense of identity literally gets wrapped up in what I create.
This happens to almost everyone.
And it comes in different forms. For example: I am my job, I am my house, I am my car, I am what I know, I am my progress, I am my kindness, I am my children, I am my face.
And all of these false identities work great when things are going well.
But When Things Go South, the Self-Attack Begins
The moment you lose your job, you suddenly think, “I’m no good.” Or the moment you make a mistake, you think, “I’m stupid.” Or the moment you come out with something mean, you think, “I’m a terrible person.”
When you identify with something outside of yourself, you become a football of situations and circumstances. For example, if you identify with your bank balance, then when it’s up, you’re up. And when it’s down, you’re down.
There is no peace.
So Who Would You Be Without This Identity?
Simply a person with a fluctuating bank balance.
A person that sometimes has a job and sometimes doesn’t. A person who both does things right and who makes mistakes. A person who says kind things and mean things both.
A person who loves his children with all his heart, even though they are not even close to perfect.
The more I can accept my own imperfection, more I can accept the imperfection in what I produce.
For me it feels more honest. And it takes a lot of pressure off. I’m just a human being bumbling along as best I can.
This is genuine humility. And this is peace.
So I Invite You to Question What You Believe
If you think you are a bad parent, question it. If you think you are a bad photographer, question it. And if you think you’re supposed to be a good photographer, or a good parent, question that.
Every story has two sides. When I see both sides, I’m much more peaceful. It helps me be less identified with what I create. It feels like balance.
Then what I do is just a part of me. Not who I think I am.
Have a great weekend,
Todd
“My job is to stay out of my children’s business and to love them instead.” — Byron Katie, Question Your Thinking, Change the World p. 95.
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