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A Question About Depression and The Work

River Rocks
The only way to get wet is to get in the river.

A Reader Emailed Me This Question

“I’d like to ask you about something I’ve found challenging in applying the Work’s questions to the depression about the past or fear about the future which I face on a daily basis.

“I have found that the Work usually encompasses a few key concepts:

“Reframing a thought to have a different meaning (ex: “it’s not as bad”; “others have it worse”) based on one’s “new” perspective

“Acceptance of reality as “what is” instead of fighting it.

“Acknowledging that projecting my inner thoughts outward creates a reality to which I attach a meaning, and therefore that reality isn’t “real”, it’s just my own projection.

“So, reframing, acceptance, and projection seem to be the keys to the Work’s “working.”

“First, have I missed something here?

“Second, what if the reframing, acceptance, and acknowledgment of projection still bring me no peace? Even while realizing what’s true about all those concepts for a specific situation, the sorrow, anguish, feeling down, or worries/anxieties about a future time still exist?

“In doing the Work on repeating stressful thoughts, I have found that those 3 categories explain them nicely, and leave me feeling empty, sad, or worried.

“If you have encountered this in your personal journey, how did you handle it?”

And I Replied

“I really appreciate your keen observations, and I’d say that I agree with you about the basic ways that The Work works as you describe.

“For me, peace comes from only one thing… letting go.

“The four questions of The Work are often helpful for me to find ways for me to let go. But sometimes I am very attached. That’s why I like to think of The Work as exploration so I don’t push myself with it. I use The Work to see if there is anything I’m missing. Something that might help me see all sides of the story better.

“That’s the only thing I have control over: questioning what I believe.

“But believing itself is something that I don’t have any control over at all. I either believe or I don’t. It’s not actually my business. The only thing I can do is explore to see if I’m missing something.

“One trick of mind that my mind sometimes get stuck in is the idea that “I’ve got The Work figured out.” When I get into this mode, I get to be above The Work because I understand it.

“Then I don’t have to surrender to it.

“Even though this is intellectual work, it is only the surrender part that is of any value. And I have repeatedly found that it is the subtle difference of putting my heart into it, not knowing where it will take me, that opens things for me.

“Then I start finding unexpected things. Then it starts getting exciting because I’m actually on the ride, not just running the show.

“Another point here is the idea that The Work really is meditation, not intellectual work. I know that I rely on my intellect a lot. But the real transformation usually comes from asking the questions, letting them drop deep inside me, and waiting for whatever comes up.

“This is real meditation, and the answers don’t come from the rational mind. They come from deep inside, who knows where?

“Those answers tend to land with me better. Much more than the brilliant ones I come up with with my intellect.”

What’s Your Experience?

Have you tried doing The Work in this meditative way? What’s the difference for you when you do it with your intellect alone vs. this approach?

Having trouble getting started with your inquiry? You may benefit from reading my new book, available September 15th: Finding the Door to Inquiry; How to Discover a Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet in Any Situation.

Have a great week,
Todd

“It’s like diving. Keep asking the question and wait. Let the answer find you. I call it the heart meeting the mind: the gentler polarity of mind (which I call the heart) meeting the polarity that is confused because it hasn’t been investigated. When the mind asks sincerely, the heart will respond.” — Byron Katie, Loving What Is p. 23.

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Todd Smith has been doing The Work of Byron Katie on an almost daily basis since 2007. He is just as excited about this simple process of self-inquiry today as he was when he first came across it. He also enjoys writing about The Work, and training others in the subtleties of this meditative process. Join Todd for The Work 101 online course, private sessions, virtual retreats, and his ongoing Inquiry Circle group.