Here’s a Situation for Inquiry
A participant in Steady Pace Inquiry recently did The Work about a situation long ago with her father. Here’s what she wrote.
“My brother, sister and I are swimming with my dad at the local pool. I want to show my dad how far I can swim, so I swim the entire width of the pool. I am about 8 years old. My dad says, “Watch this!” And swims the entire length of the pool underwater. I feel very disappointed.”
She continued to write a Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet from this situation.
Here’s what she Questioned
From line 1 of her worksheet, she questioned the thought, “I am not good enough for my dad.”
And Here’s what she Found through Inquiry
Is that true?
“No.”
How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
“My shoulders slump, my eyes look at the floor, and I feel mopey. I think I should keep my thoughts and feelings to myself. I want to go off by myself. Who cares about swimming anyway.”
Who would you be without that thought?
“I am not good enough for my dad. I would be happy that I swam all the way across the pool. Amazed as I watch my dad swim further and further without taking a breath. In awe when he made it the long way across the pool underwater. Looking forward to when I can do that! Proud that he is my dad!”
Turnaround to the Self
I am not good enough for me.
Examples:
1. When I drop my excitement about having swum the width of the pool.
2. When I am more interested in my dad thinking it was great that I did this, than me thinking it was great that I did this.
3. When I think “My shoulders slump, my eyes look at the floor, and I feel mopey. I think I should keep my thoughts and feelings to myself. I want to go off by myself. Who cares about swimming anyway.” I deserve better than that!!
Turnaround to the Other
My dad is not good enough for me.
Examples:
1. When I think he should act other than how he does.
2. When I think he is showing off.
3. When I want to go off by myself rather than be near him.
Turnaround to the Opposite
I am good enough for my dad
Examples:
1. My dad loved swimming. He brought me with him to the pool even though it meant that he would be keeping an eye on us rather than swimming all the time.
2. My dad made it clear if we were not good enough at something. But if we were good at something, he would show us what else was possible…what the next step could be.
3. My dad loved that we loved to swim. And he never went to the pool without us, and was always with us in the water.
Exclamation Point Turnaround
I am not good enough for my dad, Yay! How is that a good thing?
Examples:
1. I can learn to not depend on my dad to know I am good enough (or anyone else!)
2. It opens my eyes to the possibilities of what I can do that I have not yet thought of.
3. Nothing was ever good enough for my dad, he was always striving for better. It is a reminder to me that he did not seem to ever rest. And that offers me the option to be present with whether I want to strive or rest in any given moment.
How About You?
Did anyone ever “one-up” you? Did someone not appreciate your accomplishment? These are good situations for inquiry.
Have a great week,
Todd
“Self-realization is the sweetest thing. It shows us how we’re fully responsible for ourselves, and that’s where we find our freedom. Rather than being other-realized, you can be self-realized. Instead of looking to us for your fulfillment, you can find it in yourself.” — Byron Katie, Question Your Thinking, Change The World, p. 116.
If you like this article, feel free to forward the link to friends, family or colleagues. Or share the link on Facebook or other social media.
Get a new article about The Work of Byron Katie every week. Subscribe to the newsletter here.
