The smell of firewood permeates the air.
As you sit around the campfire, laughing and singing, and making sure your marshmallow doesn’t burn, the conversation turns to storytelling.
And as the evening draws on, the stories become personal. Each story has its own unique flavor. Each one provides a window into the storyteller’s private world.
Last week I invited you to share some of your scary stories. Stories that are stressful for you. Stories that you want to take to The Work, or have taken to The Work.
Today, I’d like to share what people have sent in.
One person writes about this stressful situation that recently happened:
“The funeral home did a sub par job of displaying my mother’s body and my aunt was irate, with me, for choosing this mortuary. She made a big scene at the viewing, called me a cheap bitch and used some other slurs against the mortuary.”
The specificity of this situation makes it perfect for a Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet.
“Here’s a real life example that’s happening right now. My 22-year-old daughter has cancer and is in the process of dying, it appears. I’ve been doing the Work all the way through this process, since she was diagnosed in November, treated and recovered, and then re-diagnosed with a spread to her brain two months ago. And now having had all the treatment available, being at home with us in hospice care.
“The Work helps enormously with all the beliefs that come up, such as, “She shouldn’t be dying,” “I should be able to prevent her death,” “She shouldn’t have pain/suffer,” “She should die quickly if she’s going to die,” etc. Most of the time I don’t believe these stressful thoughts.”
This story shows the power of questioning underlying beliefs, as you can on a One-Belief-At-A-Time Worksheet.
“I have been married for nearly five years now. My sister-in-law, who decided for whatever reason she was not fond of me a few months into my marriage, stopped saying Hi to me, or talking to me. We could sit for a two hour lunch at the same table and, unless I directed a question or a comment towards her, she would never initiate a conversation with me.
“I approached her once to ask her if there was something I did, or if I had upset her. She said, “No!” I asked why did she didn’t talk to me, or even say Hi. She said, “That’s not true!! I don’t do that!”
“Here I am four years later. She says Hi now and that’s about it. There is no conversation, chat, message from her at all, unless I initiate it.
“At this point in time I resent her, am angry with her, don’t want to go over, when my husband wants to go. I give her a lot of my energy. Everything I think of her, or am with her, leaves me with a yucky negative feeling.”
This is a perfect overall situation for The Work. I would look for a specific instance of the issue, maybe the most recent time it happened, and write a Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet based on that specific date and time.
“I walked into the office of my then boss, who was on the phone and made a gesture to me that I interpreted as further rudeness/disrespect. Something in my head snapped, I threw down on his desk a file I had carried into the office, and I pictured vividly jumping over the desk and beating him up. Instead I left the office quickly.”
This very specific situation is perfect for a Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet.
“The day after I had survived a high-speed car-crash I was in my then girlfriend’s home, and her eldest daughter said to me ‘You killed granny’s car’ (I had purchased the car from her grandmother some months previously).”
Can you feel the injustice? Another, super-specific situation, perfect for a Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet.
“I was a little child and woke up in the middle of the night. My parents weren’t at home. It was so dark, and I was so alone. I thought they were dead.”
We can go back, and ask that little girl to fill out a Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet in this very specific situation.
“My mother-in-law made such a hype that we (he and I) considered to live apart. I feared to lose him, because he so loves this woman.”
This is a good general situation for The Work. To make it more powerful, I would choose a specific snap-shot in time to focus in on.
“This man in the park, when I was around 12. First he talked to me, then he touched me…”
This is a very specific situation, perfect for a Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet. It takes real courage to write a Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet on this kind of situation, and to do The Work on it.
This Work takes courage and love. The questions will hold you, and help you find your way back home in any negative situation.
If I can support you in any way, either writing a worksheet, or doing The Work, it would be my joy to facilitate in this way.
Have a great week,
Todd
©2010-2012 Todd Smith, LLC. All rights reserved.
We are not meant to live stressed lives. Learn how to address the root cause of your stress and find your freedom again. Otherwise, stress will keep accumulating. Learn how to break the cycle of stress here.
