We just can’t do it. No matter how much we want to.
So why is it, when we love to love, that we don’t just go ahead and love? What’s stopping us?
We have reasons like, “I can’t love him because he doesn’t like me.” “It’s not safe.” “I can’t love her because she’s dead.” “I can’t love him because he doesn’t respect me.”
Or, “I can’t love him because he’s not good enough for me.” “I can’t love him because he’s a Republican.” “I can’t love her because she stands up to me.”
When you believe, “I can’t love him because he lies to me.” The mind holds tight to that reason. And it uses this excuse to keep the heart shut down. The more reasons we believe, the more love gets stifled, and choked, and withered on the vine.
But reasons can be questioned.
A reason is just a thought, a belief of sorts, that we can question. We use The Work of Byron Katie to question stressful thoughts.
They say, “It’s not for me. It’s too cerebral.” But they don’t really know The Work. The seemingly intellectual side of The Work is only an appearance.
The Work’s real purpose is not to philosophize about life. That indeed would be purely intellectual. The real purpose of The Work is to free the mind’s grip upon the heart. To cut through all the reasons why we cannot love.
When you question all the reasons why you can’t love someone, you may find that your love for them has no choice but to flow again.
You might think, “An unfettered heart could get itself into a lot of trouble.” And I invite you to question that thought too.
Just because your heart is open, and love is flowing towards someone, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to live with them. It doesn’t mean you can’t respect their desire not to live with you.
It doesn’t meant you have to agree with someone who disagrees with you. Just because you keep love open in your heart doesn’t mean you have to condone their bad behavior.
There is nothing that you have to do with love at all, except enjoy it. It will find the ways to seep into your conversation. And, if it is real love, it will keep you true to who you are.
It’s about identifying what reasons you are holding not to love someone, or something. When you identify those reasons, and question them one by one, and turn them around, you may find that love comes to you without a reason.
There’s just no reason for it not to.
Pick someone that you cannot fully love for some reason or another. And put the reasons down on paper, and question them.
This is an invitation to see what really holds you back from love. And to find your way free again.
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Todd Smith is a facilitator of The Work of Byron Katie. He loves the way The Work gets him to consider the very opposite of what he believes is true. To get a personal session with Todd, please visit his appointments page.
Tomorrow’s Session: Thurs., April 5 at 10:30 AM Pacific
Topic: “I can’t love you.“
Upcoming Sessions:
Thurs., April 12 at 10:30 AM (topic to be announced)
Thurs., April 26 at 10:30 AM (topic to be announced)
Past Sessions:
Wrinkles are ugly
I want him to come back to our relationship
She shouldn’t complain about them
Current Session: March 29 – April 5
Topic: “Inquiry Circle“
Upcoming Session: starts April 6
Topic: to be announced Inquiry Circle.
Upcoming Session: April 24, 2012 at 10:00 AM Pacific Time (1 hour)
These live calls will allow us to do The Work together in a group by phone. The cost is $8 for the one hour call, or $9 if you also want the recording. Registration will open next week.
On April 24th, 2012 at 12:00 Noon Pacific Time I will be raising my prices from $40 to $60/hour for individual facilitation sessions. To book an individual appointment, please visit my appointments page.
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