General Patterson stormed into the control room. It was a catastrophe bigger than anything the world had ever seen, and it had happened on his watch. He had been suspecting things for quite some time, but now it was too late. The crazy man at the control panel had pushed the button.
Now, he watched in horror as 157 Polaris nuclear missiles made their way from the United States to what used to be the USSR. This couldn’t be happening. The Cold War was long over, yet in thirty minutes there would be nothing left of Moscow.
General Patterson was helpless because he knew there was no way to abort this deadly mission.
Do You Ever Feel That There’s No Way To Abort An Argument Once It Starts?
Maybe it’s pride. Maybe it’s a sense of justice. Maybe it’s that we just don’t want to lose. But once an argument begins, we often don’t stop until at least a few things have been destroyed.
For example, I remember one time my partner accused me of never taking out the garbage. For me, those were fighting words. I protested loudly, and claimed that I did my fair share. My pride was wounded, and I hurled another insult back at him.
I could see the fight escalating right before my eyes. I didn’t want to fight, but I felt powerless to stop it now. I looked desperately for some kind of abort button, but there was nothing to be found.
Until I Thought To Do The Work
I was in the thick of it. The fur was flying left and right. So I didn’t have the luxury of pulling out a piece of paper and sitting down to do The Work more formally.
No, I had only microseconds between the constant blasts. And in one of those microseconds I asked myself, “Is it really true that I always do my fair share?” I never made it through the rest of the questions of The Work because that one question stopped me in my tracks.
Suddenly my mind was open. I saw how frequently I shirked my housework responsibilities. I was always too busy doing other things. In fact, I only took the garbage out once in a blue moon. I saw it in a flash, and suddenly my anger and my urge to fight diminished.
I had learned something very valuable that day.
I Learned That I Can Do The Work On The Fly
Of course, it’s always best to sit down and write out The Work on paper, or do it with a facilitator, but in a pinch you can save yourself a lot of grief by doing The Work on the fly. If you’re in an argument and you question the very words of your defense, you may find that there is nothing left to argue about.
But Won’t This Make Me A Wuss?
You may be thinking that this will prevent you from standing up for yourself. But that’s not what happens when you do The Work, even in short form like this.
When you do The Work, you simply consider the possibility that you might be wrong, and that the other person might be right. You start to look at things objectively, not just from your one-sided point of view.
The Work is not out to prove that you are wrong. It doesn’t make you cower like a wuss. The Work is for those who want to know the truth. And wrong or right has no importance here.
Looking for the truth is a much stronger way to live, than flushed with anger and hurling insults left and right.
But Be Careful Not To Make This Mistake
In your enthusiasm to do The Work, and to find the truth, it can be tempting to use The Work as yet another weapon. It can be tempting to tell the other person that he or she should do The Work.
If you think someone needs to do The Work, you need to do The Work. It’s as simple as that. So don’t use The Work to insult someone else. Just use it for yourself to find your own truth.
To Summarize
Doing The Work mentally while you’re in a fight can sometimes stop an argument right in its tracks. While you’re in mid-argument, you can ask yourself if your angry claims are true. And if you really want to know the truth, you may find that the anger leaves you when you investigate.
General Patterson investigated things in his moment of crisis too. When he phoned the White House he learned that there was a secret way to stop the missiles from destroying half a continent.
In fact, someone had prepared for a crisis just like this. In a few seconds the White House redirected all the missiles so that they were zooming out to space. Now the people of Moscow would see only a small solar flare when those missiles hit the sun.
And the man who pushed the button? Well, he began a new career as an military prison inmate.
Next Step
If the military can find a way to abort a missile launch, it’s quite possible that you can abort an argument, long before it causes any real damage to your spouse. Doing The Work on the fly is a simple way to take the wind out of any vicious argument, even after the first missiles have been fired.
Have a great week,
Todd
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